Thursday, February 22, 2007

Panty Hose on My Head for You, Mom, Love Your Strange Daughter

This vlog is my gift to my mother for her birthday, which is, yes, you guessed it, TODAY.

When she watches this, two things could transpire. Make that three:

1) She will be mortifyingly embarrassed and regret ever sharing my blog URL with her friends and coworkers (if she doesn't already). Wait until my memoir hits bookshelves. What will she do then? Yikes.

2) She will outright disown me. Highly unlikely since I’m one muy importante half DNA donor to her precious blondie grandkids three, at least I'd like to think so.

Highly unlikely also because she would miss out on visiting breathtaking Southern California beaches blanketed in clouds of choking smog. What out of town visitor would diss me for good and miss out on that?

3) She will cackle hysterically (okay, mom, you don’t cackle, more like delicately chortle. I cackle and Dena guffaws and Aunt Claudette, well, she ... you know how she laughs – jolly and loud like Santa with a megaphone). Next, she'll pick up the phone and call me across the 3,000 plus miles to congratulate me on being such a zany weirdo mama. Props from one zany mama to another. I truly learned from the best!

Happy birthday, mom. I hoped you like the daisies. What kind of a cheap-ass daughter sends a tiny handful of daisies to her mother for her birthday?

Well, slackstress me. It was the best I could do. Never mind not even sending a card of gift at Christmas. As you would jokingly say, mom, “I deserve ten lashes with a wet noodle!”

Speaking of noodles, remember when cousin Ricky threw an entire boiling pot of pasta against Aunt Connie’s wall to check if the noodles were ready? I prefer the more modest version – thwacking a single strand of spaghetti against the wall to see if sticks. If it does, it’s ready.

How many of you reading this right now have moms who always kept it light, fun and easy, even during the roughest of times? Here’s to the best, my mom. Bon Fete! A votre sante! Felicitations!

I bet you’re really savoring this birthday, mom, now that your ticker is poof, presto, blam-o fixed. You deserve all that buttered up lobster you'll feast on tonight. Just don't forget to wear that funny looking tuxedo lobster bib. You, like me, can get pretty messy when it comes to eatin' stuff we love (and devour in seconds flat).

Love, Kim, SuperMan and the kids three

Ps. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!


At 7:10 PM, Blogger Lara said...

i'm so glad you shared this gift with the entire internet, because that was some much needed amusement at the end of a very long day. :)

At 3:35 AM, Blogger karrie said...

My mom is visting--really rare visit--and she laughed her ass off.


At 5:03 AM, Blogger Oh, The Joys said...

You are looking might cute in that thigh high! Heh.

At 5:18 AM, Blogger mad muthas said...

what a lovely pressie. so glad her heart thing went well. saw my mate who had it done this very morning - and she's looking very good!

At 7:51 AM, Blogger charlotte said...

Respect to the Slackstress! That was very impressive. I found your blog via the mad muthas (see above) and have to remark on the strange similarities between us: former journalist! three children! home birthing! stockings on head! (oh no, I didn't do that ... yet ... but I might, so impressed was I).

I like your blog; will be coming back.

At 11:44 AM, Blogger Em said...

LOL...thanks for sharing! I'm sure you could have stuck it on YouTube and only given your mom the link...but to share it with all of us...that takes courage! I'm sure you looked better when the stocking was on your leg...but this was a good look, too!

At 12:08 PM, Blogger you da mom! said...


At 3:01 PM, Blogger Iris said...

Okay, like, am I the only one who raised an eyebrow when you talk about your mom hiding under beds and scaring you and wearing pantyhose on her head to "pretend" she was a robber, thought to myself, "May they should step back and look at those behaviours as an adult" Seriously, your mom sounds like a lot of fun.......or she sounds really really scary, ...... jury is still out.

Lovin' up your blog!!!!

At 5:17 PM, Blogger Heather said...

Happy Birthday Lil!

As a friend to Kim growing up, I always thought you were a kick-ass mom as well. Hope you have a great day.

At 5:27 PM, Blogger Domestic Slackstress said...

Hi Heather. Thanks for catching up on the blog. How are you, preggers? Cawl me. We'll tawk. Cawfee tawk. Ya know?

Iris - yes, I can see how you might think my mom is scary ... but she's the least scary person you'll ever meet. She's gentle as feather. Bad cliche, I know. She's just really wacky, zany and fun. We all have a twisted sense of humor in my family so we think pretending to be bank robbers is fun. Good, juvenile, mindless fun. The ways you can distort your face in a pair of hose keeps you busy in the mirror belly laughing for longer than you'd think.

Charlotte, I'm dying to find your blog. We DO have a A LOT in common. I clicked on your name link in comments and it led me to a blogger profile page that had no link to your blog. What gives? Let a sister know how to contact you?!

BTW, I still feel really funny about posting that ... but my regular readers might as well know what a wierdo I truly am. As if you hadn't already figured that out. I'm embracing my oddball nature. And I'm having a blast doing so. Maybe you'll share some wierdness via vlog with me.

At 7:31 AM, Blogger 2redheads said...

Kim this video was as much fun to wastch as you trying on a bridesmaid dress for my sisters wedding...and Yes I can picture Aunt Lil doing this not only with you and your sister but still doing this with her grandchildren.
Thanks for the laugh, I really needed it

At 1:42 PM, Blogger JerZ Craz Mom said...

As a friend of the Slackstress also while growing up (probably the longest one)...Happy Birthday from one long-lost friend!!!!!

And don't say you were so innocent, Ms. Slackstress...I remember PLENTY of times you were grounded and couldn't go out! :)

At 7:36 PM, Anonymous healingmagichands said...

Okay, I found your blog because Charlotte posted about it. I am really enjoying it. Except -- I have to ask you why you think Victoria's Secret is less skanky than Fredericks of Hollywood? At least Fredericks is not size-ist the way VS is, if you are bigger than a size 12 at VS fergiddit. I'll be back.

also loved your posts about breast feeding.

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