Saturday, February 10, 2007

This Bitch Be Stinkin' Up da Whole House

Something's wrong with Trixie the cat.

This bitch is horny. She's running around the house with her ass in the air, calling all the Tom cats in the 'hood to her cat-gina. I can't take her high-pitched whining any more.

I halfway feel like I could just set her loose on the neighborhood, just to get her the hell out, away from my three kids, who she keeps waking up with her horny cat-calls.

I've punched my friends and loved ones for lesser offenses. I don't care if the four male cats waiting on my stoop with their lipstick units still fur-sheathed, at least for the moment, tear little Trixie to bits in a kitty battle royale for the gift that's impossible to Indian give.

My couch, my beloved microfiber sage colored slouchy couch, stinks like rotten cat crotch. It's not even funny. Trixie's outta' hand. Purring. Rubbing. Licking herself into feline oblivion.

We let her out for five minutes. Five hot minutes. She came back in a changed kitty. Disheveled. Confused. Dirty and fluffed.

Anyone want kittens?



At 8:16 AM, Blogger BlogWhore said...

show her how to use a condom and then show that horny kitty the door.

At 8:32 AM, Blogger Slackermommy said...

OMG! Too funny! I love your blog. I'll be back.

At 8:50 AM, Blogger Adventures in Baby Fat said...

First, I want to know how wildly used the label is that you used. I LOL when I saw that.

Second, GIRL, YOU'RE IN TROUBLE! I did the same desperate thing last summer. The little hussies can't help themselves. At least the lust-filled meowing will stop now and you won't be forced to give your children a different sex talk than the one were prepared for.

At 1:07 PM, Blogger Loralee Choate said...

My cat, Wilbur is a total "HO". She goes into heat even though she is fixed (Yay).

She has raped every inch of carpet and piece of furniture we own and reguarly has grody animal love right outside our bedroom window.

I made her a collar with a red "A" on it.

Our cats should get together and knit...

At 3:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMGosh~ I cackled out loud reading that post! You are too much! Get that cat fixed!

At 4:10 PM, Blogger BigDaddyGonzoVents said...

I have heard a few stories about how to get you cat out of heat. None of which I would I would ever think of trying. When our cat Sweetie left us after having a litter we kept one of her kittens BJ. He is the greatest cat anyone could ask for. We get him fix at 6 monthes.

At 6:14 PM, Blogger liv said...

Wow. Maybe kitty needs a little procedure. Iffen you don't think so, yer gonna have lots o pussy trouble!

At 5:53 AM, Blogger Iris said...

I so completely relate to your poor kitty. Up unil my recent trip to visit NewMan, I was right there with her in the whinig. And when I came home and got off the plane, I was definitely disheveled and fluffed.

At 9:41 AM, Blogger mad muthas said...

cat sex never sounds like much fun, does it? i feel so sorry for them - imagine if you were feeling that horny and then ... well, whatever. i bet the earth didn't move.


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