Thursday, January 11, 2007

A Boogie is Still a Boogie, No Matter How (Closely) You Look at It

It all started with a scab.

An oblong elbow scab. One of those long-term hang-er on-ers. The kind that you never know when and where it will fall off, leaving a glossy patch of tender, pink skin behind. The kind that ends up surprising you on the floor, or maybe even surprise landing in your bra, like your middle child's umbilical cord stump.

Maybe not that kind. More like the kind of scab that comes from a hard fall from a Razor scooter, a maroon scab belonging to my 5-year-old son.

"Wanna' see my scab?" he asked my mom friend today as we watched her daughter tuck and roll at the local gymnastics academy. "I've been saving it all day in my pocket. My dad says we can look at it with my microscope when he gets home from work. Do you like it?"

Ew. It's a good thing my friend's a scabbed over bodily fluid veteran, having stayed home with her daughter going on three years now. She wasn't fazed.

Minutes after loosening his tie, kicking off his shoes and nearly swallowing a six-pack of California sushi rolls whole, my husband made good on his scab inspection promises. (This posting was so much better the FIRST time I wrote it, before Blogger blew up and my posting was poof gone. Ugh.)

First, he looked at the scab using Mouth's new microscope, as promised. Next he drew his own blood.

"Daddy's blood cells look like jiggly rainbows," Mouth said, amazed that his dad drove a safety pin into his finger for the sake of science. Needless to say, he's also an organ donor. Check the back of his license.

Head hairs were plucked. Eye lashes were donated to the cause.

My middle child, Cheeks, even scraped up a smear of tooth tartar.

When bodily fluids, for example ear wax, lost their luster, we turned to the cupboards. Spices. Drinks. Eye-stinging onions.

Finally, just when we thought we'd exhausted our own disgusting curiosities, we heard Mouth propose something entirely wrong. Something that would take this whole family science adventure too far.

"Anyone got a booger? I'm all out," he said, plugging his nostril up with his finger, all the way up to his second knuckle.

Bet you can't guess what happened next.


At 6:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my what a funny day you had! I was eating hot oat bran, and the thought of scabs on top of being nauseas all day due to pregnancy about made me hurl. For some reason boogers have no affect on me.

When I was in 4th grade my parents bought me a microscope for christmas and my dad cut his finger too!! Dads are great like that.

At 8:07 AM, Blogger Iris said...

Okay, I am a NURSE, I see things worse than boogers all day (not under a microscope, mind you)....and that second to last paragraph even turned MY stomach.

Good Game!!!!!!

At 12:07 PM, Anonymous Estella said...

Lol...that scab shit is disgusting. You've gone way too far with this one. Lol. ;)

At 12:31 PM, Anonymous Karly said...

I just puked in my mouth a little at the thought of looking at a scab under a microscope. Bleh.

At 12:33 PM, Blogger Long Island Dad said...

The study of science is alive at well at the Slacktress' abode, I see! Good for them! Budding young biochemical engineers... LMAO!!!!

At 12:43 PM, Blogger Domestic Slackstress said...

Hey - the scab deal was my husband's idea! I was mortified when my son pulled a scab from his pocket to show my friend. Mortified and disgusted.

At 3:04 PM, Blogger Alpha DogMa said...

Okay, I'm the odd duck, here. No gag reflex at all to the mention of accessorizing with scabs. I'm oddly proud of this fact.

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