italk2much.com Doesn't Get My Sarcasm (and They Think I Suck)

Obviously the dolts over at italk2much.com missed the entire point of my blog - 1) Laughing at my own shortcomings for the sake of comedy and stress release and 2) baring the "madness of modern motherhood" so others in similar straits can relate and perhaps experience catharsis.

Oops. Sorry. I just dropped a three-syllable word (catharsis, if you didn't catch it) that would no doubt really irk and dumbfound the literary tards over at italk2much.com, who say my lexicon makes me sound pretentious. Pretension and intelligence are two very different things.

It’s one thing if you hate my habitual, overly adjective-loaded, trailing, comma littered, run-on sentences. I realize I have a bad habit of over describing things to the point where nothing is left to the imagination. That's just my style. Deal with it or don't read it. I freely admit that I'm not the best writer, nor have I ever claimed to be.

Like anyone worth reading, I work hard at becoming a better writer all the time. To improve. To evolve. To challenge myself. I challenge you to have the drive and time to actively try to improve your craft and attempt to complete a decent book, all while juggling three children under the age of six as a stay-home mom with a house to keep up with. Good luck.

Whether or not you enjoy my writing style is purely choice and personal preference. According to Google Analytics, plenty of people continue to return for more every day. That must count for something.

However, if you fail to the see overall self-depricating for the sake of humor and entertainment focus of my blog, you obviously lack the skill to boil grouped words down into their correct meanings and nuances. Perhaps you failed the portion of the GED that asked you to summarize a body of work.

To think some of those who commented so harshly on my blog compared me to a Stepford wife is laughable. Stepford wives are supposed to be beautiful, robotic, organized, shrewd, calculating socialites. I am none of the above.

I am a real person. One who admits her faults on this blog and who isn't afraid to look like a real person, one who makes mistakes and even sometimes embarrasses herself in front of her readers at her own expense. Gee, I've never heard of a comedian doing that before. Not everyone finds the same comics and comic styles funny. Again, personal preference means everything. If you don't like me, log the hell off.

Maybe my frankness here is threatening. Maybe it makes you squirm. Well, I think that's a good thing. Confrontational writing is what I strive to achieve. Squirm away. If not, if you really hate having to confront your own feelings, ones that are perhaps spawned by my feelings admitted right here in this blog, then do us all a favor and stop visiting the site. Don't waste your time. Or mine.

And, please, sharpen your shallow, lacking review skills elsewhere. Obviously the reviewers at italk2much.com weren't journalism school trained on how to write compelling, factual reviews and lack the know how to learn on their own. I refuse to spend my time here teaching you how. I'd prefer to write reviews for those who actually pay me as a professional writer.

If you expect MSNBC and "newspaper maven" caliber writing here at my blog, you are sadly mistaken. Do you write like a professional journalist in your diary or do you simply vent and/or explore/express? Who are you pretending for? I don't bother to put up a front or try to be a journalist on this particular venue.

8 Centimeters Deluded is my daily stress release for those who care to languish along with me for a good laugh (or cry). Must actors continually play the same character time and time again or can they occasionally venture off the beaten creative path and test out new roles, new styles, new media?

Writing outside of old-fashioned news and features reporting is new to me. Perhaps it shows. If it didn't, I wouldn't be putting forth an honest portrayal, now would I? I admit that I'm feeling my way as I go on this blog, and surely my end product won't always be stellar, final draft quality. Much of it will consist of unfocused rants for the sake of ranting. Accept it. I do.

Speaking of final draft quality, yes, you can expect plenty of typos and grammatical errors here. Typos happen. I'm a one-woman show with a million plates in the air. I usually write late at night, when I'm already burnt to a crisp.

So what if I'm fallible and make mistakes? Who the hell doesn't? I'm not going to stress every single word I type. When I write for professional publishers and magazines, online and in print, I try my hardest to send them flawless work. I scour my for-pay text until my eyes practically bleed. In the end, though, it's up to the professional editors to catch any errors that should slip by. Unfortunately, I can't afford my very own personal copy editor here at 8cmdeluded.com.

I doubt the former United States Surgeon General Dr. C. Everett Koop (the former drkoop.com) and Dr. Drew Pinsky (drdrew.com and Loveline) would have allowed me to write so many thoroughly-researched, professional-level parenting and health news articles for their commercial web sites if I were a total untalented blowhard with zero writing skills.

So what if I moonlight for kicks on this crazy rant of a blog now that I'm no longer in a newsroom or public relations board room earning pay? Believe me, the job I'm doing now is much, much more stressful and demanding than my old news chasing ones. Blogging is my outlet for blowing off pent up motherood steam, which I have plenty of, as you can read.

I'm not about to let a few flaming reviews at italk2much.com diminish nearly a decade of published, quality articles bearing my personal by-line, many of which have appeared on the front pages of high-integrity, decent-circulation New England newspapers.

As I said, I created this blog both as a venue to vent and as a sounding board for making fun of the entire experience of staying at home with your children. Much of it is funny. Even hilarious. Some of it's downright depressing. Let’s face it –- Though it’s rewarding much of the time, staying at home to raise children is also an exercise in frustration, trial and error, and even sometimes failure. You try getting three live wire kids to listen to you all the time. Even one kid.

8 Centimeters Deluded is a blog title that in and of itself suggests (or that was intended to suggest) that this whole stay-at-home motherhood ride is a crazy, unstable gig, if you weren't sharp enough to pick up on the suggestion.

Hell, I’m plenty bitchy at times and my moods can swerve from one parenting moment to the next. What’s wrong with admitting that reality openly and freely on a personal blog, a forum supposedly centered and possibly created expressly for being personal and honest, almost diary-like? Haven’t you people over at italk2much.com been to the hugely successful dooce.com? Please.

I won’t defiantly say that I wasn’t bothered or hurt by your cruel reviews, several of which (some 20) involved the word “fuck” and words “fuck her” as in fuck me. As if you really know me. It would be a blatant lie to say that I'm not upset. I've put a lot of work into this blog and it sucks when people reject it wholesale based on my tagline or preference for home birth.

As far as my tagline goes, which apparently made a few italk2much.com reviewers wretch, gag and all the rest, I admit that it is one, big TMI check. I was trying to stand out in a sea of unoriginal, bland mom blogs by stating in an odd, outrageous, roundabout way by mentioning that I had my babies at home in bed, something very few people in the U.S. do. Something unique that readers would perhaps remember me for and perhaps return to my blog because of.

I wasn't aware this was any more disgusting than having babies in bed in a room that happens to be in hospital. I must be insane to have had two of my three babies in a manner that children have been ushered into the world by since the advent of the human race. It's a shame so many Americans continue to be so close minded about a birth style so remarkably ubiquitous throughout the rest of the developed world, especially in the UK and the majority of Europe.

My hope was that my tagline "I birthed them in my bed, now I have to lie in it ..." would individualize me, make me seem more human, even quirky to my readers, perhaps even shock people a bit. Obviously my plan worked, perhaps not to my advantage, though. It should also be noted that I don't preach home birth to anyone. Birth is very personal. No woman can be told what is right for her. Have your babies however you wish.

Yes, as one of you over at italk2much.com pointed out, I do have a book coming out. If I’m lucky, perhaps it will appear on Oprah’s list, as you predicted. I should be so fortunate for such awesome publicity. That way I could make some money to buffer this no-money SAHM gig.

If I make you sick … If my blog angers you … revolts you or whatever, at least my words are strong enough, compelling enough to incite a reaction at all. Bad press beats no press. Thanks italk2much.com for a link that will no doubt send traffic my way.

Many italk2much.com commenters complained about my nickname choices for my kids. You also complained about my repitition of my children's ages in my postings. Hey, it's hard to undo a decade of newswriting training and experience. Some habits die hard. Also, I feel it's necessary to repeat their names and ages for first time readers who might otherwise wonder who the hell I'm referring to.

More importantly, though, is the fact that I created those nicknames, which some of you clearly find so sickenly sweet and tacky, in order to PROTECT my children from the admitted pedofiles, convicted sex offenders and incurable freaks who plagued my site with threats and other scary comments for a time.

I'd like to think that my many posts goading mom bloggers to rethink how much they reveal about the identities of their children helped stir up a movement that helped veteran popular bloggers like ohthejoys and others endure the painstaking work of changing every name reference to their children throughout their entire archive to nicknames. Actually, I'm proud of how it all went down. But you probably didn't take the time to dig deep enough in my archives to discover that, did you?

Whether you prefer my choice of nicknames or not is not what I care about. I care about you not knowing my children's true names, so you can't harass them or trap them into thinking you know them. So, ease up on the name thing already. If you feel motivated to do so, check out the press I earned over at the zeroboss.com on this very issue. I must be doing something right, especially for such a young blog.

Obviously italk2much.com missed the whole point of 8 Centimeters Deluded. Here I can safely (or not?) make fun of just how pathetic, awkward and confining it sometimes feels to be surrounded with miniature drooling humans who soil their diapers nearly hourly. I’m simply making fun. That's all.

Did you think I was serious when I wrote a popular fake/parody toy ad for F-Bomb cop that earned a playful comedy award from my mom blogging peers? What does it matter what they think? Apparently the dicks over at italk2much.com detest stay-home moms and their stupid children. Why should we even write blogs?

Still, though it may suck or lack style to you, my blog attracts some 100 readers on a good day, perhaps even some of you who hate me. Maybe that’s not a strong yield in your book, but it’s good enough to keep me going. I still enjoy the ride, even if it's a rocky one at times.

If you don’t like my blog, I’m open to real, constructive, well thought out, well presented criticism, but please skip telling me to “fuck off” like the overly harsh, backwards hacks over at italk2much.com. And please don't compare me to a goddamn Stepford wife. That's just weak.

Am I being defensive? Of course. Am I going away? Never.

Do I feel better now? Hell yeah.

So, if you like this blog, leave me a comment to muzzle the haters.