Friday, January 05, 2007 Doesn't Get My Sarcasm (and They Think I Suck)

Obviously the dolts over at missed the entire point of my blog - 1) Laughing at my own shortcomings for the sake of comedy and stress release and 2) baring the "madness of modern motherhood" so others in similar straits can relate and perhaps experience catharsis.

Oops. Sorry. I just dropped a three-syllable word (catharsis, if you didn't catch it) that would no doubt really irk and dumbfound the literary tards over at, who say my lexicon makes me sound pretentious. Pretension and intelligence are two very different things.

It’s one thing if you hate my habitual, overly adjective-loaded, trailing, comma littered, run-on sentences. I realize I have a bad habit of over describing things to the point where nothing is left to the imagination. That's just my style. Deal with it or don't read it. I freely admit that I'm not the best writer, nor have I ever claimed to be.

Like anyone worth reading, I work hard at becoming a better writer all the time. To improve. To evolve. To challenge myself. I challenge you to have the drive and time to actively try to improve your craft and attempt to complete a decent book, all while juggling three children under the age of six as a stay-home mom with a house to keep up with. Good luck.

Whether or not you enjoy my writing style is purely choice and personal preference. According to Google Analytics, plenty of people continue to return for more every day. That must count for something.

However, if you fail to the see overall self-depricating for the sake of humor and entertainment focus of my blog, you obviously lack the skill to boil grouped words down into their correct meanings and nuances. Perhaps you failed the portion of the GED that asked you to summarize a body of work.

To think some of those who commented so harshly on my blog compared me to a Stepford wife is laughable. Stepford wives are supposed to be beautiful, robotic, organized, shrewd, calculating socialites. I am none of the above.

I am a real person. One who admits her faults on this blog and who isn't afraid to look like a real person, one who makes mistakes and even sometimes embarrasses herself in front of her readers at her own expense. Gee, I've never heard of a comedian doing that before. Not everyone finds the same comics and comic styles funny. Again, personal preference means everything. If you don't like me, log the hell off.

Maybe my frankness here is threatening. Maybe it makes you squirm. Well, I think that's a good thing. Confrontational writing is what I strive to achieve. Squirm away. If not, if you really hate having to confront your own feelings, ones that are perhaps spawned by my feelings admitted right here in this blog, then do us all a favor and stop visiting the site. Don't waste your time. Or mine.

And, please, sharpen your shallow, lacking review skills elsewhere. Obviously the reviewers at weren't journalism school trained on how to write compelling, factual reviews and lack the know how to learn on their own. I refuse to spend my time here teaching you how. I'd prefer to write reviews for those who actually pay me as a professional writer.

If you expect MSNBC and "newspaper maven" caliber writing here at my blog, you are sadly mistaken. Do you write like a professional journalist in your diary or do you simply vent and/or explore/express? Who are you pretending for? I don't bother to put up a front or try to be a journalist on this particular venue.

8 Centimeters Deluded is my daily stress release for those who care to languish along with me for a good laugh (or cry). Must actors continually play the same character time and time again or can they occasionally venture off the beaten creative path and test out new roles, new styles, new media?

Writing outside of old-fashioned news and features reporting is new to me. Perhaps it shows. If it didn't, I wouldn't be putting forth an honest portrayal, now would I? I admit that I'm feeling my way as I go on this blog, and surely my end product won't always be stellar, final draft quality. Much of it will consist of unfocused rants for the sake of ranting. Accept it. I do.

Speaking of final draft quality, yes, you can expect plenty of typos and grammatical errors here. Typos happen. I'm a one-woman show with a million plates in the air. I usually write late at night, when I'm already burnt to a crisp.

So what if I'm fallible and make mistakes? Who the hell doesn't? I'm not going to stress every single word I type. When I write for professional publishers and magazines, online and in print, I try my hardest to send them flawless work. I scour my for-pay text until my eyes practically bleed. In the end, though, it's up to the professional editors to catch any errors that should slip by. Unfortunately, I can't afford my very own personal copy editor here at

I doubt the former United States Surgeon General Dr. C. Everett Koop (the former and Dr. Drew Pinsky ( and Loveline) would have allowed me to write so many thoroughly-researched, professional-level parenting and health news articles for their commercial web sites if I were a total untalented blowhard with zero writing skills.

So what if I moonlight for kicks on this crazy rant of a blog now that I'm no longer in a newsroom or public relations board room earning pay? Believe me, the job I'm doing now is much, much more stressful and demanding than my old news chasing ones. Blogging is my outlet for blowing off pent up motherood steam, which I have plenty of, as you can read.

I'm not about to let a few flaming reviews at diminish nearly a decade of published, quality articles bearing my personal by-line, many of which have appeared on the front pages of high-integrity, decent-circulation New England newspapers.

As I said, I created this blog both as a venue to vent and as a sounding board for making fun of the entire experience of staying at home with your children. Much of it is funny. Even hilarious. Some of it's downright depressing. Let’s face it –- Though it’s rewarding much of the time, staying at home to raise children is also an exercise in frustration, trial and error, and even sometimes failure. You try getting three live wire kids to listen to you all the time. Even one kid.

8 Centimeters Deluded is a blog title that in and of itself suggests (or that was intended to suggest) that this whole stay-at-home motherhood ride is a crazy, unstable gig, if you weren't sharp enough to pick up on the suggestion.

Hell, I’m plenty bitchy at times and my moods can swerve from one parenting moment to the next. What’s wrong with admitting that reality openly and freely on a personal blog, a forum supposedly centered and possibly created expressly for being personal and honest, almost diary-like? Haven’t you people over at been to the hugely successful Please.

I won’t defiantly say that I wasn’t bothered or hurt by your cruel reviews, several of which (some 20) involved the word “fuck” and words “fuck her” as in fuck me. As if you really know me. It would be a blatant lie to say that I'm not upset. I've put a lot of work into this blog and it sucks when people reject it wholesale based on my tagline or preference for home birth.

As far as my tagline goes, which apparently made a few reviewers wretch, gag and all the rest, I admit that it is one, big TMI check. I was trying to stand out in a sea of unoriginal, bland mom blogs by stating in an odd, outrageous, roundabout way by mentioning that I had my babies at home in bed, something very few people in the U.S. do. Something unique that readers would perhaps remember me for and perhaps return to my blog because of.

I wasn't aware this was any more disgusting than having babies in bed in a room that happens to be in hospital. I must be insane to have had two of my three babies in a manner that children have been ushered into the world by since the advent of the human race. It's a shame so many Americans continue to be so close minded about a birth style so remarkably ubiquitous throughout the rest of the developed world, especially in the UK and the majority of Europe.

My hope was that my tagline "I birthed them in my bed, now I have to lie in it ..." would individualize me, make me seem more human, even quirky to my readers, perhaps even shock people a bit. Obviously my plan worked, perhaps not to my advantage, though. It should also be noted that I don't preach home birth to anyone. Birth is very personal. No woman can be told what is right for her. Have your babies however you wish.

Yes, as one of you over at pointed out, I do have a book coming out. If I’m lucky, perhaps it will appear on Oprah’s list, as you predicted. I should be so fortunate for such awesome publicity. That way I could make some money to buffer this no-money SAHM gig.

If I make you sick … If my blog angers you … revolts you or whatever, at least my words are strong enough, compelling enough to incite a reaction at all. Bad press beats no press. Thanks for a link that will no doubt send traffic my way.

Many commenters complained about my nickname choices for my kids. You also complained about my repitition of my children's ages in my postings. Hey, it's hard to undo a decade of newswriting training and experience. Some habits die hard. Also, I feel it's necessary to repeat their names and ages for first time readers who might otherwise wonder who the hell I'm referring to.

More importantly, though, is the fact that I created those nicknames, which some of you clearly find so sickenly sweet and tacky, in order to PROTECT my children from the admitted pedofiles, convicted sex offenders and incurable freaks who plagued my site with threats and other scary comments for a time.

I'd like to think that my many posts goading mom bloggers to rethink how much they reveal about the identities of their children helped stir up a movement that helped veteran popular bloggers like ohthejoys and others endure the painstaking work of changing every name reference to their children throughout their entire archive to nicknames. Actually, I'm proud of how it all went down. But you probably didn't take the time to dig deep enough in my archives to discover that, did you?

Whether you prefer my choice of nicknames or not is not what I care about. I care about you not knowing my children's true names, so you can't harass them or trap them into thinking you know them. So, ease up on the name thing already. If you feel motivated to do so, check out the press I earned over at the on this very issue. I must be doing something right, especially for such a young blog.

Obviously missed the whole point of 8 Centimeters Deluded. Here I can safely (or not?) make fun of just how pathetic, awkward and confining it sometimes feels to be surrounded with miniature drooling humans who soil their diapers nearly hourly. I’m simply making fun. That's all.

Did you think I was serious when I wrote a popular fake/parody toy ad for F-Bomb cop that earned a playful comedy award from my mom blogging peers? What does it matter what they think? Apparently the dicks over at detest stay-home moms and their stupid children. Why should we even write blogs?

Still, though it may suck or lack style to you, my blog attracts some 100 readers on a good day, perhaps even some of you who hate me. Maybe that’s not a strong yield in your book, but it’s good enough to keep me going. I still enjoy the ride, even if it's a rocky one at times.

If you don’t like my blog, I’m open to real, constructive, well thought out, well presented criticism, but please skip telling me to “fuck off” like the overly harsh, backwards hacks over at And please don't compare me to a goddamn Stepford wife. That's just weak.

Am I being defensive? Of course. Am I going away? Never.

Do I feel better now? Hell yeah.

So, if you like this blog, leave me a comment to muzzle the haters.


At 11:54 PM, Blogger Miz BoheMia said...

Oh do not worry about them! They are lowdown nasty shits and to get the seal of disapproval from them makes me love you all the more!

This is with regards to my experience with those losers and this is further drama I lived through with those freaks! And you know what? I loved every second of it! To know I got under their skin is simply faboo!

At 11:55 PM, Blogger Miz BoheMia said...

Oh... and that was to let you know you ain't alone! See it as something positive and hey, join the club!

At 4:14 AM, Blogger Miz BoheMia said...

I am back... I just read what they wrote about you and let me put it this way... THAT from THEM would make me rush on over to your blog and read you!

And they are a bunch of fucking hypocrites! That Avitable guy, and I know this from my sitemeter, goes through spurts where he visits me often and for long periods of time so they are a bunch of sheep, endlessly making noise, following the flock and have no minds of their own... so to be disliked by them is a HUGE thing! Relish in it sistah and you know? Read, or at least skim those links I left you up above... it will definitely make you feel better! They are titty haters and haters of all things beautiful and natural and I, for one, LOVED your header sentence and well, who am I to knock the wonder of the rant and the run-on sentence? Hmmm? ;-)

Nope... this is definitely a GOOD review! :-)

At 7:55 AM, Anonymous Momish said...

I like your blog. I like your writing and I think you are funny, thus the nomination. Don't let it get to you. It's their "thing", to be overtly callous and mommybloggers are a favorite target. Like you said, you have many fans. Rest assured.

At 8:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, this was one loooooooooong article!! haha. I think you're great, your writing amuses me, you write about real life...but what do I know?? I'm just a stupid mommy blogger, according to them. LOL. I just played along with them, and I think THINK they don't really hate me. I told Ms. Chatty that she needed to pull her undies out of her rear, and instead of exploding back at me, she just said "I'm not wearing any undies." so, that made me think that she found me a little funny, although she would never admitt it!

At 8:58 AM, Blogger Domestic Slackstress said...

Thanks, ladies. You are too sweet. Being a hot headed mama, I thought I'd waste my time and theirs over at that lame so-called blog review site and blow up exponentially. At least it made me feel better. Just because we're mothers, doesn't mean we don't occasionally have something intelligent or comical to say via blog.

At 9:04 AM, Blogger one love said...

Do you have any friends that are constantly asking how they look just to hear that they look great?? That's what we tell you everytime we visit your site- "hey, you look great"- I am sorry that you let the opinions of a few people annoy you so much- don't let them win- people like that thrive on upsetting others- come on mommy bloggers don't let them keep on winning- it makes them think we care-by visiting their site we are supporting their work! I enjoy your site and to be totally honest your writing style is like a chocolate covered pretzel- sweet, salty and indulgent- it took me a minute to get used to all of the adjectives but now I am addicted- I am sure you have noticed how often I visit!

At 10:30 AM, Blogger mad muthas said...

well i've never heard of them at all. but i've heard of you.
anyway, isn't 'pretentious' a synonym for 'i can't quite follow what you're saying and i can't be bothered to work it out and i feel slightly undermined by that fact'.
that's what i heard, anyway.
hey, if you're in need of a laff you should have a look at what some fine anonymous critic said about our novel on amazon - that'd make you feel better!

At 1:10 PM, Blogger ewe are here said...

So, I've been really busy and not floating the blog-o-sphere much the past few days and...well... what the heck happened? Guess I'll look at the posts I missed...

In the meantime, please know that I find your blog quite entertaining. And funny. Ignore the critics. If they don't like you, why do they insist on reading and commenting?

At 2:16 PM, Blogger Loralee Choate said...

I admit that after reading the conversation between you and flipflop I headed over to see what this place was.


I flipped through a lot of their archives and came to some conclusions.

They don't seem to like a majority of what they critique. That tends to discredit them to me somewhat. If their argument is that there is a lot of crap on the internet, that is true, but then be more selective about what you review. I tried to find a review of what they do like, but gave up because I honestly didn't see any.

Some of the reviews had funny moments and good observations, but the style mainly turned me off. Many people love ruthlessness/bitchiness/excessive bluntness in writings, I am just not one. If you dig that sort of thing, this would be a good site to hang out at.

I found the use of Avatar profiles distracting and annoying. Also, the whole "Bitch" and "Mrs/Miss" thing in profile names is a personal peeve of mine, but many seem to like it. The girls were much more catty and ruthless than the guys, so maybe it is just dandy.

The constant anti-mommy tirade is lame. "Oh, God! ANOTHER fucking mommy blog!" seems to be the general battle-cry. It is logical that there will be many mommy blogs out there. For one, there are lots of mommies in the world. Secondly, blogging as a mom is a good outlet that is easy to work around mom duties.

I don't care if family/kid/parent blogs aren't your thing, but maybe you should have someone who doesn't mind them write the review.

In the end, I don't really consider this a blog critique site as much as a bunch of like-minded people talking about what they think sucks (Or Fucking Sucks).

Over all? I would never submit my site because I am fairly certain it would get the short bus symbol and I would be labled a "Freakin 'tard". I'm not that tough. Also, haters bother me, so I probably won't be back there. Good thing they wouldn't give a fuck, huh?

At 7:10 PM, Blogger KELLI BELLY said...

Screw em'! I like reading you. In fact, I don't care how well you write . You do write well, but I like reading you because your real, don't hold anything back and you are very entertaining! I can relate. People are so stupid. I guess they don't have anything better to do. XOXO Keep on keepin' on!

At 4:33 AM, Blogger ewe are here said...

Well, I figured out what you were talking about, the site that appears to be critiquing other sites, and all I can ask is: does anyone take that site seriously? I didn't find it very clever or funny, even though they seem to be trying very hard to be these things. Just mean, really. They probably think it's easier to be funny when they're being mean, but even that they've failed at.

At 12:36 PM, Blogger karrie said...

Is it a site that randomly picks people or one you submit your site too? I remember reading about a review site that is almost always harsh, and think this may be the one.

Blog whatever the hell you want to blog about and focus on your book. (My 2 cents. :)

At 7:58 PM, Anonymous Estella said...

Oh my Lord God Almighty.

I totally respect your respectfulness for women choosing to birth how they choose.

But the chick with the morphine saturated c-sections? Don't even get me started.

At 3:18 PM, Blogger Avitable said...

Did you mention that you submitted your site for a review? And that presumably, you're not so stupid as to submit your site to something without reading what they say about blogs? The entire focus and point of IT2M is to tear blogs apart. Anyone with the ability to read at a third grade level would know that. The fact that you didn't, or that you did, but somehow thought that magically we wouldn't do it to you, shows extreme stupidity.

Bohemia, I didn't even read IT2M, nor was I a part of it, when your blog got reviewed. I saw your blog somewhere else and enjoyed reading it for a while. So don't be ignorant, okay?

Slackstress, the day that self-righteous cunts like you actually admit fault and take things with a grain of salt will be the day that the world ends, I'm sure. You submitted your blog. You asked for a review. Why don't you take some fuckin' responsibility for it?

At 12:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Once again, someone fails mention that they themselves submitted their own blog for the review. Then goes psycho when they aren't patted on the back and told how wonderful they are.

"Deal with it or don't read it."???
You should take your OWN advice.

At 12:32 PM, Blogger annie said...

I'm the chick "with the morphine saturated c-sections". By all means, Start.
Should I have tried to have them naturally and died in childbirth? That's a little extreme, isn't it? With the ability of today's modern medicine, to refuse a doctor's order that the baby is a footling-breech, can't be turned and therefore, would probably kill us both?

At 8:17 AM, Anonymous sudiegirl said...

Honey - they're jerks. Pure and simple.

They can't review without getting personal and mean...and apparently that's what they intend to do till they die.

Whether or not you intentionally submitted your site is a smaller point in the spectrum. They need to understand that they have responsibilites too.

Hang in there - it gets better.

At 11:30 AM, Blogger annie said...

Oh look! it's Psycho Sudie! You have a new #1 fan!

At 12:11 PM, Blogger Chris said...

They're all full of crap. I find this blog to be outstanding, especially when compared to about 95 percent of the blogs out there. Your writing style is entertaining and engaging. Your penchant for over-description is quite humorous. We need this way of describing things, because most of us aren't in your exact situation. If we want to know what it's like, you are sure to tell us in a way that really gets to the point, and leaves us feeling almost as though we were there.

If they can't handle your tagline or anything else, they are probably jealous. Your tagline is unique, and so is your blog.

Lastly, their use of swearing/cursing is a sign that they lack a strong educational background. If they dislike your blog, they should have found ways around resorting to expletives. Who made them blog review experts, anyway?

At 7:46 PM, Anonymous sudiegirl said...

DS (Hope you don't mind the initials), you're fine. You do what you do well. Make changes to this blog for your own benefit and nobody else's.

You and I are fellow blogger chicks, and I'm lending a hand of support. You will come through this a lot better than those lovely folks at IT2M ever will.

I will be back - good luck to you!


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