Monday, May 14, 2007

Flipped Over and Spit Out

The hype about the dangers of four-wheeling might not be hype after all. Just ask my husband and 6-year-old son, who together accidentally yanked a full revolution in the air on one over the weekend.

Lucky. Relieved. Pissed. Annoyed. Guiltfully validated that "quads" are as trashy and unsafe as I always thought.

My son walked away, literally, from the quad-totalling wipe-out with scratched up knees and road rash all over his back and shoulders. He didn't even cry. My husband was knocked unconscious (our friend tried to kick him awake -- I don't think they teach that move at the Red Cross) and is now the owner of a bruised hip bone, a sprained ankle, at least a dozen road rash scrapes and a laceration on his ankle that you could fit an apricot pit into (I tried to stuff one in there to stop the blood -- and I don't think they teach that at the Red Cross either ... Just kidding). I'm pleased to report that Bounty paper towels are the "quicker picker upper" of blood, that is. Masking tape works too.

So on Mother's Day I spent the day doing what mother's do (hopefully) best, nursing my wounded pups back to health. I have some bizarre ER stories to tell when I'm not busy shuttling kids out the door to school (my husband usually drives The Lawyer to kindergarten in the a.m.) and "Itsy Bitsy" preschooler basketball practice (Cheeks' Jordan training).

For now, the Hubster seems perfectly sedate and pain free on his codeine that I scratched up ... from one of four pharmacies I hunted down after midnight last night. What happened to all the 24-hour pharmacies around here? So I can get a greasy burger after midnight in the city but not a handful of legal narcotics?

Also, wonder cat Trixie, who has now morphed in my opinion to holy high Hell bitch face cat, mauled Pigtails' face again and just missed her eye. I moved her and her litter of four kitties into the garage. Ousted. Exhiled. Kicked the Hell out. Right now she's stalking our playroom sliding glass door, meowing like a wild feline banshee. I keep on singing, "Keep on knocking but you CAN'T come in." Her fate as a member of this household is up in the air, just like a quad that unexpectedly dropped a bolt and my two biggest boys.

More later ... No time to spell check ...

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At 12:14 PM, Anonymous Rae said...

1. You used your daughter's real name in this post.

2. For some reason, in the last month or so, your blog has taken me FOREVER to load. It comes up right away, but then it takes 5 minutes or so to load up all the extras. Is anyone else having this problem? It seriously hampers my resolve to check your blog regularly.

3. The lady who does the videos at has a voice that sounds remarkably similar to yours. She even talks like you. It's so weird. I had to double check and make sure it actually wasn't you after all. :)

At 12:50 PM, Blogger Lara said...

happy mother's day, slackstress! i'm sorry it turned into such a florence nightingale kind of day for you. also, the description of your cat pacing the sliding glass door had me picturing a tiger caged in the zoo. you can sell tickets! :)

(p.s. there's a little something for you at my place if you get a chance to visit...)

At 6:58 AM, Blogger Fidget said...

hmm I think your mothers day sucked more then mine. I hope he heals quickly and donts whine too much. You of course have the right to kick him in the nads since you were right and he got hurt being wrong/

At 8:13 AM, Blogger guadalupeMARS said...

Happy mother's day. Your post has me gearing up for raising a boy. I talked to my husband about taking one of your kittens, but he wants to settle in to the new house for a while before we take on any new mouths to feed. Our move in date has been delayed as well due to loan funding stuff...anyway, lets do the park soon.

At 8:53 AM, Blogger Mamma said...

OMG! Pussy trouble!! BWAHHHH!

I'm not a cat fan...but we have one too. UGH!

So glad everyone will survive. Don't you want to just whack your husband on the head sometimes? Me too!! Boys!!!

At 2:06 PM, Blogger jeanie said...

OMG I am so glad your boys survived - a friend of my dad's died as a result of one of those flipping and pinning him and I cannot CONDEMN them enough.

Sorry your cat experience is not turning into a joyous one.

At 6:47 PM, Blogger amelia said...


I have been a reader for a while but have not yet commented. I am so glad your hubby and kiddo are okay.

I am curious about how the 4 wheeler flipped over though? My dad has some at his house and we have taken our older son (we first took him when he was 2--he is 3 now) out on them but after reading your story I am not sure I ever will again!

Our cat moved to my mom's house after he decided that we needed to get up at 4:30 every morning. He thought it was a great idea to lick our armpits to wake us up and then when we wouldn't becken to his call he would to meow in front of the kids' doors and try to wake them up. He had to go!

He is actually much happier at her house--he had developed a perverted kitty licking problem on his "lower area" once we had kids. After moving to my mom's house he quit. I think that was his coping mechanism.

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