Forecast: A Full Night of Sleep When They Grow Up and Move Out

I'm tired, I'm pissed and I said a lot of things last night that I already regret.

Cheeks had not one, not two, but three major tantrums overnight. At one point he barked like a dog. Figure that one out.

My eyes hurt. I feel like I have a newborn who wakes me turn nurse every hour, except I don't. None of my children are newbies any more. Cheeks reminds me of one, though. His emotional, sometimes violent, outbursts take me back to his nightly newborn, 8 p.m.-on-the-dot crying and kicking fits. They would last for two hours at least, sometimes as long as three.

Neighbors arrived at my front door, as they do now, all those years ago to see if "everything's okay" or to ask me "to keep it down with the baby." We're in a different neighborhood now and nearly four years have passed since Cheeks dreaded punctual colick attacks, yet the neighbors here probably wonder if we're beating him. The crashing sounds of piggy banks breaking, shoes being pelted one after the other at a flimsy bedroom door and incessant wailing and what truly sounds like barking, these are the sounds we're known for now on our block. A neighbor five houses up the street confirmed that she can hear Cheeks' tantrums. I used to worry about the embarrassment. Now I worry that a neighbor, especially the poor couple right next door, is going to call the cops or Child Services.

This has to stop.

Cheeks' older brother, The Lawyer, isn't sleeping enough because of the nightly bloodcurdling scream interruptions. He covers his ears, hides under his pillow. Eventually we send him to our bedroom, where he can at least muffle the noise with bigger pillows and a thicker door. He stays awake anyway, listening to his brother's fits escalate, then fizzle out, usually after about 45 minutes.

One of the Lawyer's teachers asked me why he seems so tired. "Is he getting enough sleep?" Apparently he's become a regular at the office and has taken to "resting" on the couch there.

I have to go wake him now for his Friday field trip. This time he's going to a dairy and produce farm twenty miles up the freeway. Maybe he'll catch some z's on the way there while I try to keep Cheeks asleep a little longer at home. I'm not ready for him to wake up just yet.

(Don't care to spell check.)