Sunday, February 04, 2007

Nine's So Fine

I don’t even know where to start tonight. I’m procrastinating on the book again. Can’t even begin to think of what to write.

The boys are asleep and wheezing behind me in the tent. I’m a useless couch slouch.

The tent is so gi-normous that it swallows up the entire playroom. I’m comforted knowing that when it’s folded up and back in the garage the playroom will be perfectly clean for a split second, revealing a carpet free of a flurry of scattered "bad guy" toys and uncapped markers. Hardly a thing could be taken down off the shelves and played with because of the tent. You can hardly move in the playroom unless you’re inside of it.

Big tent. Big deal. Why aren’t I posting about something more interesting than our colossal tent?

I met my sister at IKEA tonight to drop off my niece. First I took my niece to Subway. We shared a 12-inch melty, mushy meatball sub.

Being with her is so easy. Almost effortless. She’s almost nine, so I don’t have to ask her “Did you use the potty, flush, wipe and wash?” 500 times before we leave the house. I didn’t have to wipe her chin between tomato saucy meatball bites (although she did lick each and every one of her fingers clean after painstakingly whittling her way through a bag of cheddar cheese dusted Sun Chips, which she ate in noisy, teeny-tiny gerbil bites).

I look forward to the time when my children are old enough to simply come along for the ride like their older cousin, without having to be strapped into the car five different ways. My niece no longer requires a booster seat. She could even ride in the front seat if she wanted to.

And she can actually get through a meal without competing like my cutthroat sons do. “I have more juice than you do. Oh yeah. Well, my juice doesn’t have as much yucky pulp in it than yours does. Let’s see who can finish their waffle first. More syrup. I want more syrup. Hey, he has more syrup than me. How come he gets his food first? I want potato chips for breakfast. How come he has that but I don’t? Ew. You burped. Betcha’ I can burp louder.”

My niece sleeps through the night. She doesn’t have to grip my brittle winter hair for dear life instead of a real, credible security object like a blankie or lovey or whatever the heck those things are called that my kids always shafted in favor of my messy mane.

Why can’t they love stuffed animals like other kids?! Why must they have me or can they substitute me for a wig, a real, live human being hair model type? Don’t they know yet that I’m a jerk? Seriously, if they really knew me, if they were old enough to grasp my many shortcomings, my controlling, bitchy nature, they wouldn’t want to be close enough to see what color the hair on my head is, let alone compulsively knead it like bread dough between their sticky fingers.

Instead of soiling them while cowering in the corner, my niece changes diapers.

Instead of demanding seven Mister Men books in a row at bedtime, my niece reads Charlotte’s Web to herself at bedtime. She’d heppily read to my kids, even put them all down to sleep if I asked her to.

Will life be easier, a little less harried around here when my children are 9, 7 and 6?

Oops. I just mentioned age. Talk about a can of sibling worms.

“I’m still older than you are. You wish you were the oldest. Nanner, nanner poo poo. You are still a baby. I’m the biggest brother. No, I’m the biggest brother….” And on and on until I arrive on-scene and serve nauseatingly ineffective time-outs according to age (about one minute per number of years alive … if I’m in a follow-through kind of mood). “Ha! You get a longer time out than me because you’re older!”

Nine’s dreamy. I want a nine year old in the house. I’ll just have to wait three years.


At 8:46 AM, Anonymous Estella said...

Holy shit, be careful what you wish for! Mine is 8 1/2 and I'd literally kill to go back to 3 or 4. Maybe it's a girl thing though.

At 2:35 PM, Blogger karrie said...

There was a recent piece in Brain,Child about a mom with a kid who insisted on using her braid as a lovey. She found a cheap wig--and braided it--which worked, but her son insisted on carrying it with him. I'll try and find it online for you.

At 2:37 PM, Blogger karrie said...

Crap. I cannot find a copy of the article, but the author is Sabra Ciancanelli, and the title is "When Solly Lost Hairy. " :D

At 6:39 AM, Blogger crazymumma said...

9 rocks. TOTALLY. ROCKS. My nine year old is heaven.

At 7:08 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

nike outlet, polo outlet, louis vuitton outlet, longchamp outlet, prada outlet, michael kors outlet, nike free, tory burch outlet, michael kors outlet store, uggs outlet, christian louboutin outlet, jordan shoes, oakley sunglasses wholesale, ray ban sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, nike air max, longchamp outlet, michael kors outlet online, michael kors outlet, prada handbags, polo ralph lauren outlet online, louis vuitton outlet, longchamp outlet, christian louboutin, burberry outlet, louis vuitton outlet, ugg boots, gucci handbags, nike air max, michael kors outlet online, louis vuitton, tiffany and co, louis vuitton, christian louboutin shoes, uggs on sale, replica watches, ray ban sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, ugg boots, replica watches, christian louboutin uk, burberry handbags, michael kors outlet online, tiffany jewelry, uggs outlet

At 7:26 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

coach outlet, sac hermes, nike tn, louboutin pas cher, jordan pas cher, new balance, sac longchamp pas cher, true religion outlet, hogan outlet, michael kors pas cher, hollister pas cher, air max, nike roshe, longchamp pas cher, timberland pas cher, hollister uk, burberry pas cher, coach outlet, lululemon canada, nike blazer pas cher, true religion outlet, polo lacoste, ray ban pas cher, coach outlet store online, north face, michael kors outlet, nike air max, guess pas cher, kate spade, chanel handbags, ray ban uk, nike free run, kate spade outlet, true religion outlet, oakley pas cher, true religion jeans, north face uk, sac vanessa bruno, michael kors, converse pas cher, nike air force, coach purses, michael kors, vans pas cher, polo ralph lauren

At 7:30 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

polo lacoste, sac vanessa bruno, ray ban pas cher, hollister pas cher, nike free run, nike air force, michael kors, north face, hogan outlet, coach purses, oakley pas cher, new balance, sac longchamp pas cher, nike air max, coach outlet, true religion jeans, chanel handbags, north face uk, polo ralph lauren, kate spade, longchamp pas cher, michael kors, coach outlet, timberland pas cher, nike blazer pas cher, burberry pas cher, true religion outlet, louboutin pas cher, nike tn, nike roshe, sac hermes, air max, lululemon canada, jordan pas cher, guess pas cher, vans pas cher, true religion outlet, converse pas cher, true religion outlet, kate spade outlet, michael kors outlet, ray ban uk, coach outlet store online, michael kors pas cher, hollister uk

At 7:37 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

hollister, louis vuitton, montre pas cher, pandora jewelry, links of london, louis vuitton, thomas sabo, lancel, louis vuitton, coach outlet, louboutin, hollister, replica watches, nike air max, converse, vans, doke gabbana, michael kors outlet, ugg, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, supra shoes, pandora jewelry, louis vuitton, pandora uk, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, ralph lauren, swarovski crystal, swarovski, karen millen uk, juicy couture outlet, oakley, ray ban, converse outlet, ugg pas cher, louis vuitton, michael kors outlet online, gucci, michael kors handbags, ugg uk, iphone 6 cases, juicy couture outlet, timberland boots, pandora charms, wedding dresses, toms shoes, marc jacobs


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home