Tuesday, January 23, 2007

How Has Being a SAHM Prepared You for This Job (and Why Should We Hire a Momstrocity Like You) ?

I've had it up to here with the shpilkes. Call me a meshugine with a bad case of the mishigas. While I'm at it, I admit, I've got a massive pisk. Not bad Yiddish for a goyim, eh?

What I mean is, my hard drive crashed. I've been away from blogging too long. A mere 24 hours without a post has me realizing that I'm completely addicted.

There's nothing like venting, kvetching and coming clean confessional style on such a public forum. I think all bloggers agree that receiving comments is one of the most validating aspects of blogging. I loves me some comments, a mom blogger recently said during de-lurk-ness. Right on.

So, as I get back into my blog, my kindergartner who should be racking up REMs for a fresh start at school tomorrow is bouncing on my bed wearing a Power Ranger face mask. My daughter, who also should be deep into snoozeville is cramming a whore of Baby Bratz doll into a decorative Asian lock box from Pier One Imports.

Good girl, Pigtails. Ho lookin' Baby Bratz dolls with skimpy diaper covers that look more like Frederick's of Hollywood thongs than bloomers SHOULD be locked away in black cryptic boxes.

So I'm back. Hopefully my laptop won't crap out on me again. If I had the energy I'd spill my guts right now about my eldest son purposefully hitting me and kicking me in the past 48 hours. That boy needs to learn some respect.

Also, I'm reluctantly flirting with looking for a full-time newsroom job, which would mean placing my two youngest kids in full-time child care. "Placing" sounds so cold. Like placing a down-payment on a home. Or placing an ailing parent in a nursing home. The whole thing feels cold. Against every thing I want for my children.

Qualifications accrued in the nearly six years I've domestically slacked as a SAHM:
Breastfeeding while chasing children through parking lots.
Miraculously holding my breath between pushes.
Passing humans through my life giving vessel. Three in four years - not bad.
Stopping the blood flow from gaping wild boy head wounds with my bare hands.
Strapping miniature humans into five-point harness car seats with one hand.
Chucking graham crackers one by one to my sons in the third and farthest row of my minivan and actually hitting my targets, right in their hungry faces.
Managing not to have a so-called REAL job for nearly six years.

Until the next slack-i-sode, y'all.


At 10:09 PM, Blogger Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) said...

Oh ya - you're qualified! Over-qualified - that is SOME resume! ;)

Good luck!

At 4:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd hire you.
You are a multitasking maniac!!!!

And...you made me laugh.

At 6:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You can join the ww blogroll at:


You'll get at least 30 comments. I used to get 50 every ww until I slacked and stopped visiting everyone.

Don't get a job!!! Aaahhhhhhhh.

At 6:52 AM, Blogger DraMa said...

You have a great little blog here! I love it!

Oh and by the way, I sort of invented the Bloscars this week. Just a silly little thing... but I may give out more:) It's nothing though.

And I also vote for not getting a job. Being a SAHM is the best job I have ever had. However, I'm not college educated, didn't leave a great career to raise my kids and I'm quite lazy. So, I don't ever want to work again! LOL!

At 6:53 AM, Blogger DraMa said...

Oh, and one more thing...

My husband is constantly making up words for things...

He called my contractions "constructions"

And he also told people that I was 3 cm deluded before I was in labor. That's too funny.

At 7:12 AM, Blogger ewe are here said...

I find it amusing and annoying that if you're a SAHM you're not 'working', but if you're paid to look after children, you're working.

Same kid; same job. Bite me, world.

Funny post.

At 7:45 AM, Blogger Oh, The Joys said...

Full time? I'm not ready. I can barely keep it together right now.

At 10:47 AM, Blogger Julie Pippert said...

Multi-taksing and ability to productively interact with ALL PERSONALITY TYPES.

By golly moms should be considered Ideal Employees in most cases.

Welcome back and hey, GL on this possible change!

(Au pair? In home care of some sort? other alternatives? And FWIW, there are some really great afterschool programs. It's not all cold. Promise!)

At 1:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are sooo qualified! For anything.
Multi-tasker, you don't give up, set your sights on seemingly impossible goals and ACHIEVE, first-aid knowledge. Not to mention accounting, housekeeping, personal chef, psychologist, punching bag...I could go on and on. I give this speach to my husband at least once a month.
I love your blog! I've never commented before but I read you religously and I must say I get a little sad when you don't post. You make me feel less emotionally alone in this circus called SAHM.

At 2:18 PM, Blogger mad muthas said...

quite a series of achievements! once i'm queen of all i survey (in the people's republic of megrovia) you'll be up for an award - red carpet n'all!
i thought i'd had a stroke when i started reading your post. yiddish simply isn't fair on we provincial englishwomen! (and to think you had trouble with 'pants'!)

At 9:30 AM, Blogger alisa said...

Right on SISTA!


and thanks for calling out the masses.

At 12:30 PM, Blogger Crunchy Carpets said...

Hey, my dh has not had a REAL job in over 6 years and we are still trying to figure that one out!

keep it together is our mantra that and gin.

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