Getting Pig Headed at All the Weekend's Parties

Surprisingly delicious roasted pigs with empty, sunken eye sockets. Washing down breakfast burritos flecked with crisp bacon with cool, bubbly morning mimosas. Dry rock formation waterfalls spilling into palatial sized pools in one of my city's most posh neighborhoods. Man made rock climbing edifices dotted with alphabet shaped hand and foot holds. Five- and six-year-olds clad in pajamas ricocheting off the walls of an oversized jumper. Bavarian creme filled party pastry puffs. There you have it: a smattering of my sensory memories from this weekend's various parties.

Let's begin with fun party number one: Friday night sans kids on a hot date with the husband at the ultra modern yet still retro Lucky Strike Lanes in Torrance.

As was embarrassingly obvious after only a few short frames (and tongue-melting buttery nipple cocktails), the only bowler with a triple strike-bolstered win in his future was my skilled but not cocky about it husband, who whipped fluorescent balls down the lane at some 20 miles an hour (and won a scandalous bet with his wife who has yet to pay up). Straight toward the cool avant-garde art being projected above the pins on massive illuminated screens.

Basically I had no game. I stunk. But I talked a lot of trash and that's all that counts. Counts towards ensuring a sure loss, that is.

Since then we've added a tree to our minimal holiday home decor, ate at an overcrowded, tacky chain buffet restaurant that was shamefully scrumptious and decked other people's halls at three festive parties in one day. And one party on each day bookending our thrice party Saturday.

The best party so far was my friend's daughter's rockclimbing birthday party hosted at the local "Rock Gym." I have half a dozen bruises to prove that I was a trooper when dared by my 5-year-old son to "make it to the top."



I strapped on my confusing harness with nerves rattling but refused to be shown up by my kindergartener. I "real" rock climbed in Joshua Tree some years back with my husband, brother-in-law and active neighbors. All I could do was drop f-bomb after f-bomb as I scampered like a scaredy cat up the craggy desert rocks. I still can't believe I made it to the top without having a coronary.

Finally, the last party we gallivanted to this weekend took place a few steps from our driveway, right across the street. Our babysitter's dad turned 50 to the screams of a few dozen of his Filipino relatives, who raise Cain even harder than my French-Canadian relatives used to back in the day. I believe back in the old partying days that someone tried to sew my grandfather's hand using an old Singer sewing machine during a spontaneous, drunken party brawl. All I remember was being carted away with the rest of my cousins with the flash of police lights strobing through my mother's 70s station wagon as the brawlers got busted. But I digress.

Anyway, back to my neighbors all-night-long jollifications ... Only at their house, which is always packed to standing room only at their soirees, have I ever seen an entire roasted pig carcass complete with teeth still in its dead, baked dry mouth and a tangerine stuffed in its back end for extra effect. Don't get me wrong. I grew up French-Canadian and married an Englishman of sorts. I've seen and tasted everything from pig tongue to kidney pie and blood pudding. But I've never beheld a fully stretched out on a platter and still in its oily, crisp from long-roasting skin encasement with deteriorating hooves and all.

Kind of makes me think twice about eating bacon, even if the sacrificed sow was the tastiest offering at the birthday feast.

I wonder what's to come at next week's parties.

Q FOR YOU
What's the strangest food you've ingested at a holiday party this season or in seasons past?

HAMMERING OUT MY FIRST BOOK
Also, really quickly before my dueling youngest two children (ages 3 and 2) continue to spit in each other's cranky faces one revolting loogey more, I want to share with you that I'll be blogging much less in the coming days. I'm working on the first three chapters of a book and my deadline falls in March. My main creative focus has to be putting those first few chapters in the can. Until then, I'll still try to update 8cmdeluded.com every few days or so, at least three or four times a week, although my entries will be much shorter. Wish me luck!