I'd Even Dip My Pizza Crust in Egg Nog, No Really, It's a Christmas Meme

Does Santa wrap presents or just leave them under the tree? I'm a no-fun grinch about wrapping paper. Gifts could be wrapped in yesterday's news for all I care. People, your lucky if you get a bow on that sucker. My wrap jobs look more like wrinkled, hardened paper mache creations than actual gifts. I abhor gift wrap. It gets in the way of the joy. I suck at surprises. Your lucky if I don't tell you what your gift is (I;m a wet blanket, I know) or practically unwrap it before Christmas and give it to you. Wrap this!

Egg nog or hot chocolate? Egg nog! Wonderful Egg nog. I hated egg nog as a kid but now love it as an adult, just like onions. Egg nog lattes at Starbucks. Egg nog flavored creamer for my coffee. And when I'm out of egg nog creamer, there's no substitute for the real thing. I just pour some good old nog directly into my coffee to sweeten it and lighten it up. I had a brief, failed stint as a barista a few Christmases back, when I quit after making scrambled egg nog eggs in a customers egg nog latte. Blending egg nog with hot java is iffy, delicate business.I grew up on Swiss Miss hot chocolate with mini freeze dried marshmallows. But I’d take egg nog over Swiss Miss any day. I wish egg nog were available all year long. But then I’d weigh a hell of a lot more.

Colored lights or white lights on your tree and/or house? White lights look classy to me. Simple and plain. I never decorate the outside of our house because I'm too lazy for that. The kids and I slapped a faux berries of some kind wreath from Big Lots on our front door today, and viola, instant abbreviated Christmas house decor. That's it. Perhaps we'll throw up some 99 Cent Store plastic, glittered translucent snow flake shapes in the dining room windows. As far as our tree goes, we don't have one yet, but if and when we score one, it will bear plain, white lights.

Do you hang mistletoe? Yes, I hang mistletoe. Fake, plastic, Kmart special mistletoe, that is. On a plum colored ribbon, to be exact. I just attached it today to a garish 70s era frosted yellow glass lighting fixture in my front door hallway. My kids avoid me like the plague in the hours after I hang the faux mistletoe because I stake it out nearly all day whenever I can to snatch up all their boogery kisses. They're cold/flu/ear infection sick now, remember?

When do you put your decorations up? When I was a kid I used to put up our fake Christmas tree, complete with a gazillion personalized and monogrammed ornaments, practically before I finished my last bite of Thanksgiving turkey. Now, we put decorations up at the very last minute, for example today.

What is your favorite holiday dish, excluding dessert? The turkey, baby. I could eat traditional turkey dinner with stuffing and cranberry sauce every day of the year. Also, pecan pie. Mmmm. An entire pecan pie lasts about two days in my house. And that's with only me eating it. That's why I just can’t bring that stuff in the house.

What is your favorite holiday memory as a child? I don't remember as much as I'd like to from my childhood. I remember being snotty and always disappointed and ungrateful for my gifts. Like I didn't get enough. How horrible I was. I always felt left out after hearing what all my rich friends got for Christmas, although my parents always spoiled us for the holidays. They just didn't go overboard like my snooty, affluent Catholic School friends.

When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? My sister dug my dad's old Santa outfit out the closet when we were pretty young and came marching into the dining room with it on at dinner time. I don't know how old I was.

How do you decorate your Christmas tree? Naked. No seriously, however my kids want to. I don't do anything in order. Chaos reigns at my casa.

Snow! Love it or dread it? Dread it in person but love looking at it on postcards. I always hated it as a kid. I grew up in New Hampshire and didn't like the feeling of frozen fingers. I remember actually feeling pain in my toes as they thawed as I pushed them against the heater. I do miss it a teeny bit now that we live in Southern California, where Christmas lawn ornaments and lights appear quite silly and unnatural without a surrounding bed of snow.

Can you ice skate? Can I ice skate! C'mon. I grew up in New Hampshire. Of course I love to ice skate. Oddly, I don't ski though. I hadn't skated in the ten years I've been in California until my then 4-year-old fell in love with hockey and wanted to learn to skate. Until recently, I skated with him almost every weekend at the local ice rink.

Do you remember your favorite gift? It stinks that I don't. I'm kind of a humbug. I don't get too gaga over anything at Christmas any more other than the fattening food. Actually, and I'm dating myself here, I remember being head over heels about my hard won Cabbage Patch doll the year that they caused parents to beat each other in Toys R Us lines across the country and in Canada, where I think my parents traveled to just to get me one. My scented Strawberry Shortcake doll is a espritunner up. Then there was a trendy Espirit bag and CK One and CK Eternity as a teenager.

What is the most important thing about the holidays for you? Getting them over with. Isn't that terrible. I want my kids to each receive a few meaningful gifts and rip into them with curiosity and fun-to-watch joy. Other than that, I stress all the money and all the mad social calendar. Actually, on a more serious note, me and the kids are gathering good condition toys they don't want or play with any more, as well as top condition clothes that no longer fit and we're donating to the only charity in our city that accepts homeless women and children. There are more than 2,000 homeless children in our city. The place in particular that we're donating to happens to provide child care for 750 of them. My dad missed a lot of holidays with our family because he was filling the bellies of those less fortunate than forgotwn at the local soup kitchen. I never fogot that and want to focus more on the spirit of giving other than materialistic giving in my own family. Think of people who really NEED at the holidays, not just want cool gadgets and toys. I'm glad my kids get it. My oldest son (5) dumped out is "special" drawer last night and offered to give kids in need everything in it.

What is your favorite holiday dessert? Again, pecan pie. Nut laden food of the gods.

What is your favorite holiday tradition? I miss being a kid surrounded by all my loud, boisterous French-Canadian immigrant relatives who played violin and spoons (yes, they are more than utensils when slapped silly in time against your thigh) at festive parties called revellions (rev-vay-yon). Some of the best times of my life.

What tops your tree? A strange silver wire star with indigo blue beads interspersed within it. It'll do for now, until we find a more permanent topper.

Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? Oh gawd. I never know what to buy people. I'm pretty selfish. I like receiving. Aren't we supposed to be honest here? I know I'm waffling here, but now that I have kids, I adore watching them devour gift wrap and salivating over new stuff (they won't play with in a day or two).

What is your favorite Christmas song? Jerry Lewis' dripping with sarcasm "I've Had a Very Merry Christmas" because he;s a Christmas ba humbug whiner like me. Plus, a very young Lewis is just brilliant in the movie "Cracking Up."

Candy canes: yuck or yum? Yum for but only for a second. I definitely don't enjoy picking them out of my 2-year-old daughter's pigtails.

Thanks Flip Flop Mama for reminding me (via comments) that I am compelled by the blogosphere gods to tag someone with this fa la la, Christmas-y, egg nog dripping meme. You Flip Flop Mama are hereby it! Thanks for tagging me Ewe Are Here from all the way across the pond. Feliz Navidad.