Friday, October 27, 2006

Toys R Us - The Land of Obscene Misfit Cop Toys?

rofloct

*In the few hours since I published my toy ad satire below, I've received fiery messages from revolted, confused parents/readers who thought it was a real adverstisement for a real toy. Please don't be misled by my penchant for describing my odd, twisted imaginings. Hey, perhaps I should take a stab at the ad biz.

The following is my imaginary ad for an imaginary toy from my perpetually sleep-starved Domestic Slackstress mind. If you make it to the bottom of this post, you'll uncover the news nugget that inspired my fake ad. Yes, it did spring from something factual, timely and parent-relevant. Cut me some slack, people. I'm just having a little fun trying to stay awake so I can take care of my kids, who by the way will NEVER be allowed to read my blog for a slew of valid reasons. I repeat, the following is NOT REAL. The news about an obscene toy at the end of the post, however, is real, and really dumbfounding.

Now, onto my original Toys R Us - The Alleged Land of Obscene Misfit Toys post:
Dear parents in search of the ultimate Christmas toy of the 2006 season,

Look no further. With less than two months left to wrap up your holiday shopping the quest for this year’s perfect present is over. Never fear -- F-word Cop is here!

coptoy

Why F-around when your deserving kids could unwrap the best, most obscene, most F-ing-est toy of the season?

That’s right, adoring moms and dads. Once your sweet Sally gets her innocent paws on this trash talkin’ Jim dandy of a toy, it won’t be long before she’s the most popular pigtailed, f-bomb droppin' cuss-mouth in kindergarten.

On Christmas morning you’ll find yourself satisfyingly saying, “Holy F#$k, this toy’s too good to be true, and so easy for the kids to operate!”

Simply pull F-word Cop’s sturdy nightstick from his fully-stacked utility belt and presto, blam-o, he shouts the F-word likes it gettin’ all Rodney King up in here! Yes, we’re talkin’ the F-WORD, folks, full blast and right in your kid’s face.

Why let them watch the 6 o'clock news when F-word Cop quickly and easily introduces your children to the harsh realities of the world? Give your kids the gift of shockingly realistic police play today.

Don't wait another F-ing minute! Order now and we'll throw in a complimentary crack-ho hooker doll for your young budding cop's arresting pleasure.

Why let your child pussyfoot around with mild obscenities like “darn,” “shoot” and “H-E-doublesticks,” when you can upgrade to hardcore, yes, even F-core, in seconds flat? Go ahead, pat yourself on the F-ing back, discerning parents. You’ve just sent little Johnny off to fully F-credited swear school with F-word Cop, your kid's realistic police partner in crime!

nightstick

Your little one could be the next lucky customer to say goodbye to wholesome, say hello to a mouthful of soap and, yes, even say the one and only F-word.

F-word Cop. Where our motto is: When it comes to toys, we don’t fuck around.

Proudly dropping the f-bomb one kid at a time since 1998.

SERIOUSLY, THIS WEEK A REAL POLICE TOY SAID THE F-WORD
Although writing the above fantasy world toy description was an f-ing ton of fun for me, I feel compelled to let you in on the real deal (if you haven’t already heard).

It seems the toy makers over at Texas-based Tek Nek Toys International L.P. have a knack for accidentally creating frighteningly life-like playthings for kids, like a faulty toy police kit that uttered a prerecorded F-word when a 6-year-old North Carolina boy this week removed the toy’s nightstick from its nifty utility belt.

Big F-ing mistake, Tek Nek. You f'd with the wrong kind of person. No, I'm not talking about the kid. I'm talking about the child's parent. Hell hath no fury like a parent scorned. There's no telling what we might do when someone (or something) has done our children wrong. Doesn't Tek Nek know parents are the only ones allowed to accidentally swear in front of our precious kids?

To read more about the angry parent/dissatisfied Tek Nek cutsomer who recently implored Toys R Us to test every single suspect-of-swearing toy police kit from its shelves, check out today's CBS News report on the sore subject.

This bad daddy misfit toy is definitely headlining my Christmas list, not for my kids though. How’d you think the hubster would like to see me wearing such an obscene plaything? We’d have a blast *ROFL’ing in handcuffs, that is until the kids bust us playing cops ‘n robbers with the most offensive F-ing toy of the season.

*(ROFL = Rolling On the Floor Laughing ... Yeah, I know ... more dorky blog-speak. It took me a while to catch on this silly acronym too.)

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WTF, you've got to be f-ing kidding me? F- this S-!

 
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That was just too f-ing hysterical!! You definately should look into writing descriptions. I was ROFL! Especially the part where it is only us doting parents who can drop the f-bomb in front of our kids. So true!

 
At 5:34 PM, Blogger Chris said...

I can't believe they made a toy like that. How insane!!!

Although I have to wonder if maybe he was just mis-hearing the word "stop." It's possible! I mean, I used to think Jimi Hendrix said "Excuse me while I kiss this guy..."

 
At 3:58 PM, Blogger Heather said...

Thank you so much for explaining the ROFL thing. I have seen it a few times and was scared to show my ignorance by asking! Very imaginative and slightly disturbing post! It is scary what the powers that be put out for our children. My mom still has the Tarzan doll that looks like he is masturbating when you move his arm up and down. ( His fist faces inward and hits at just the right spot.) She bought it before they pulled it from the shelf.

 
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شركة تنظيف موكيت بالبخار بمكة
شركة تنظيف مجالس بالبخار بمكة

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At 8:20 PM, Blogger tamer said...

مدونات فرسان المثالى



فرسان المثالى افضل شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالدمام 0506070763


من اكبر شركات كشف تسرب المياه بدون تكسير فرسان المثالى
شركة كشف تسربات بالدمام
شركة تنظيف خزانات بالدمام
وايضا

شركة عزل خزانات بالدمام
وكذلك
شركة عزل اسطح بالدمام

شركة عوازل الدمام
شركات العزل المائي بالدمام
شركات العزل الحراري بالدمام

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At 8:24 PM, Blogger tamer said...

فرسان المثالى افضل شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالقطيف0506070763

هل تعانى من تسرب المياه فلا داعى للقلق مع فرسان المثالى
شركة كشف تسريبات المياه بالقطيف

وباقل الاسعار ولنا خدمتنا بمدن اخرى
شركة كشف تسربات بالاحساء
وايضا
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالخبر



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At 8:28 PM, Blogger tamer said...

شركة تنظيف بابها من الشركات التي تألقت في مجال لتنظيف، شركة تنظيف مجالس بابها تخصصت في عملها في تنظيف جميع أنواع السجاد والموكيت، كما أن الشركة لديها العديد من العاملين المتدربين، وتستطيع الشركة توفير العديد من الأجهزة التي تساعد على إتمام عمليه التنظيف، ويوجد في شركة تنظيف بابها اقسام عديدة ومتنوعة كونها شركة متكاملة، حيث تعرف دائما ان العميل يستطيع ان يعيش في مكان نظيف ورائع ومعطر خالي من الجراثيم والمكروبات، حيث توفر الشركة المطهرات والمعطرات وتترك منزلكم واحة نظيفة ومتناسقة
لا نقوم فقط بخدمات التنظيف بل نقوم بجميع الخدمات بكل مهارة والتى منها
شركة نقل عفش بجازان
شركة تنظيف شقق بجازان
شركة تنظيف بجازان
شركة تنظيف خزانات بجازان
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بجازان
شركة تنظيف مجالس بجازان
شركة عزل اسطح بجازان
شركة تسليك مجارى بجازان

 
At 8:31 PM, Blogger tamer said...


شركة ركن الضحي من اجود الشركات التي تبيد جميع أنواع الحشرات إبادة تامة، كما ان شركة مكافحة حشرات بجازان تعطي لكم ضمانه عن المبيدات الفاتكة التي تقوم بقتل الحشرات الزاحفة نهائيا، كما تقدم شركة رش المبيدات بجازان بالتخلص نهائيا من الصراصير والنمل والوزغ والأفاعي ، وكما يتم التخلص من الحشرات المنزلية مثل بق الفراش والصراصير والفئران والقوارض نهائيا دون رجعه ، كما تقم الشركة المبيدات التي لها اثر طويل الأمد في التخلص من جميع الحشرات المنزلية وأيضا تقدم رش خاصا للحدائق والمنتزهات التي تخلصك تماما من البعوض والذباب بشكل نهائيا ، حتي يتوافر لكم ولأسركم بيئة نظيفة وصحية خالية من الامراض .
شركة مكافحة حشرات بجازان
شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بجازان
شركة رش مبيدات بجازان

 
At 8:34 PM, Blogger tamer said...


من اول الشركات التي تقدمت بالعديد من المميزات التي حازت على ثقة العميل، حيث تصدرت الشركة على غيرها بالأمانة والمصداقية في التعامل، حيث قدمت الشركة الخدمات المطلوبة منها علي أكمل وجه، تضم شركة تنظيف بجازان افضل موظفين متخصصين في التنظيف الخاص بالسجاد والكنب والمجالس والمفروشات، كما يوجد لديها أيضا قسم خاص لتنظيف الفلل و الشقق والبيوت أيضا ، وتتمتع الشركة بالعديد من الإمكانيات التي تستطيع ان تنفذ أي مهمة تنظيفه توكل أليها ، لدي الشركة طاقم متخصص في تنظيف اللوج وهات الوجهات الزجاجية الحجرية ويوجد قسم خاص بتقليم الحدائق وتنظيفيها ، وتعتمد شركة تنظيف مجالس بجازان علي مجموعة متدربة ومنتقه من افضل العمال حيث يتم التعامل مع عملية التنظيف بطريقة احترافية عالية المستوي والجودة
شركة شفط بيارات بابها
شركة تنظيف بابها
شركة مكافحة الحشرات بابها
شركة تنظيف خزانات بابها
شركة نقل اثاث بابها
شركة تنظيف مجالس بابها
شركة عزل اسطح بابها

 
At 8:03 AM, Blogger sherry sabri said...

شركة المثالى صقور لتنظيف الخزانات وعزلها بالجبيل 0505565030 كشف التسربات

شركة المثالي صقور تقوم بتنظيف جميع انواع الخزانات وتعقيمها وتطهيرها فنحن نسعي دائما ان نكون عن حسن ظن عملائنا كما اننا نستخدم افضل انواع مواد العزل ويتم مرحلة العزل بعد تنظيف الخزان ونقوم قبل هذا بعمل صيانة على الخزان وشف اى تسرب وصيانته وهذا يتم من خلال خبراء فى تنظيف الخزانات وتطهيرها اتصل الان
شركة عزل بالجبيل
شركة تسليك مجاري بالجبيل
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالجبيل
شركة تنظيف خزانات بالجبيل

 
At 8:05 AM, Blogger sherry sabri said...

شركة المثالي صقور لتنظيف الشقق والمنازل بالجبيل 0505565030
تتميز الشركة بالكثير من المميزات المختلفة في مجالها عن مثيلاتها مما يجعلها تتصدر قوائم شركات الخدمات المختلفة كما تقوم الشركة بتدريب طاقم العاملين بها بشكل مكثف حرصا منها علي مستوي الخدمة المقدم للعملاء الكرام فمصلحة العميل تعد في المقام الأول كما أنها توفر أحدث الإمكانيات التي تساعد على ذلك

شركة تنظيف بالجبيل
شركة تنظيف شقق بالجبيل
شركة تنظيف منازل بالجبيل
شركة تنظيف فلل بالجبيل
شركة تنظيف سجاد بالجبيل
شركة تنظيف كنب بالجبيل
شركة تنظيف مجالس بالجبيل
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالجبيل
شركة تنظيف بالبخار بالجبيل

 
At 8:06 AM, Blogger sherry sabri said...

شركة صقور المثالي من افضل الشركات على مستوى الجبيل تعمل على مكافحة جميع انواع الحشرات مستخدمة افضل انواع المبيدات الحشرية كما انها لديها اجهزة تساعدها للوصول الى اصعب الاماكن
من الحشرات التى نقوم بمكافحتها
مكافحة الصراصير
مكافحة البق
مكافحة النمل الابيض
مكافحة الفئران
مكافحة الحمام
شركة رش مبيدات بالجبيل
شركة مكافحة الحمام بالجبيل
شركة مكافحة الفئران بالجبيل
شركة مكافحة صراصير بالجبيل
شركة مكافحة بق الفراش بالجبيل
شركة مكافحة الفئران بالجبيل
شركة مكافحة بق الفراش بالجبيل

 
At 8:09 AM, Blogger sherry sabri said...

شركة نقل اثاث بالجبيل 0505565030 لتخزين الاثاث بالجبيل

هل تبحثون عن شركة تقوم بنقل الاثاث وتغليفة وتخزينة بالجبيل لقدكثرت الشركات ولكن شركتنا مازالت مستمرة بتميزها فى عالم نقل الاثاث وتغليفة فلديها خبراؤ فى فك وتركيب الاثاث ولديها سواقين ماهر على سيارات مجهزة للنقل
نقوم
نقل الاثاث
فك وتركيب الاثاث
فك وتركيب المطابخ
تخزين الاثاث
شركة نقل اثاث بالجبيل

شركة نقل عفش بالجبيل

شركة مكافحة الحمام بالجبيل
شركة مكافحة الفئران بالجبيل
شركة مكافحة صراصير بالجبيل
شركة مكافحة بق الفراش بالجبيل

 
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At 12:22 PM, Blogger المتوكل على الله said...

شركة تنظيف موكيت بالرياض
شركة تنظيف كنب بالرياض
افضل شركة رش مبيدات بالرياض تقدم خدماتنا المتميزة في رش المبيدات الى المنازل والفلل والمحلات التجارية والفنادق المختلفه حيث تعتمد الشركة على مجموعه من المبيدات الآمنه والفعالة والموثوق فيها بإعتماد وزارة الصحة السعودية
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شركة مكافحة النمل الاسود بالرياض
شركة مكافحة الحمام بالرياض

 
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