Monday, June 04, 2007

The New Welcome Gift

First impressions last forever. At least that's what the elusive "they" say, right?

So the other day we visited our new next door neighbors (and I mean next-next-next door -- We could see into our kids' bedrooms if we were creepy enough to try) for a quick handshake introduction. You know, "Nice to meet you. We'll be neighbors and we're so fricken thrilled. If you ever need anything ..." and all that obligatory nicey-nice neighborly welcoming committee stuff that lasts until YOUR DAUGHTER PISSES ON YOUR NEW NEIGHBORS BRAND NEW CARPET!

Yep. That's right. Pigtails, who recently potty trained (or so we thought) at the ripe old age of 2.5, rained down the "golden showers" on our brand spanking new neighbors' brand spanking new carpet last Saturday. What better way to introduce ourselves than to make like a dog and pee on the nearest thing. "Hi. Let me clean that stranger-kid piss, I mean MY stranger-kid's piss, off your newly unfurled berber for ya. So sorry." Way to start our neighborly friendship off on the right schmut.

At first I tried to conceal telltale Pigtails' wet patch, slipping out the new neighbors' front door (remember we're so damn close as neighbors that we could fart and hear each other) to my cleaning chemicals cupboard for my trusty Resolve carpet stain/odor remover. It wasn't long before my clean-it-up-before-they-notice-and-judge-me-and-my-leaky-daughter plan was foiled. The gorgeous new working mom next door busted me red handled, spraying a noxious substance on her daughter's princess room rug.

"Um, whatcha' doing?" she asked.

"Well, uh ... This is so embarrassing and it's never happened before ... and, uh, she's been potty trained going on three weeks now and hasn't had an accident ... and ..."

"She peed on the floor?"

"Yes. Exactly."

Luckily my new pretty neighbor didn't seem fazed. She has two young kids of her own. She refused to let me clean it up and patted Pigtails' pee spot with her own two hands, something I never would have done if the pee were on the other carpet. I have this lame thing about "other" kids' pee and pooh. I've always hated changing any diapers other than those hugging the 2-D flat butts of my three children.

I haven't talked to my new neighbors since my daughter's pissy introduction to them. I wouldn't know what to say. At least she didn't drop a deuce on 'em, like a booger-nosed kid did on our playroom berber right after we installed it two years ago.

Would I feel as bad about the whole thing if Pigtails were a dog? Somehow I think a pet dog peeing on a new neighbors' carpet would have been better.

If your kids have ever done this, feel free to piss and tell. I'm curious.

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At 8:08 PM, Anonymous Rodrigo said...

Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Até mais.

At 8:21 PM, Blogger Domestic Slackstress said...

Thanks to babel I figured out that the previous comment is in Portugese (spelling). Also, it looks like spam. I dunno.

At 9:11 PM, Blogger Awesome Mom said...

You can delete it if you want.

Any way, that is just too funny! If the neighbor did not freak out I think that you are safe. Just make them a huge batch of cookies or something to butter them up a bit more so they do not hate you.

At 9:15 PM, Blogger Jen Magnuson said...

We had just moved into our current house and were invited to a barbeque sown the street with some of the "queen bees" from my daughter's school. My son was two and still in diapers. Earlier that day he had eaten, oh, three or four pints of blueberries. We were in the kitchen, introducing ourselves to everyone when this enormous stench just wafted around us and at Jacob's feet was a puddle of runny bluberry-riddled poop. Yes, we're still friends, and yes, we were mortified. It was a tile floor, which I believe helped matters.

At 12:25 PM, Blogger Mama Sarita said...

sigh...well, in our lives of parallel internet existence, I too am going down the winding path of learning where and where not to piss.

I don't have any good stories yet, but I don't doubt that they are around the corner.

I second the cookies.

At 7:00 PM, Anonymous R said...

No stories from me, but not long ago I read one from one of my fave bloggers. This will make you feel better.

At 12:23 PM, Blogger Alexandra Bitchford said...

No children, but my beloved terrier always manages to bust through four adult pairs of hands and dash to my best friend's beautiful white carept to take a giant, and especially yellow, piss. It's always embarassing, and one would think that we could stop her by now.

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