Monday, June 04, 2007

The New Welcome Gift

First impressions last forever. At least that's what the elusive "they" say, right?

So the other day we visited our new next door neighbors (and I mean next-next-next door -- We could see into our kids' bedrooms if we were creepy enough to try) for a quick handshake introduction. You know, "Nice to meet you. We'll be neighbors and we're so fricken thrilled. If you ever need anything ..." and all that obligatory nicey-nice neighborly welcoming committee stuff that lasts until YOUR DAUGHTER PISSES ON YOUR NEW NEIGHBORS BRAND NEW CARPET!

Yep. That's right. Pigtails, who recently potty trained (or so we thought) at the ripe old age of 2.5, rained down the "golden showers" on our brand spanking new neighbors' brand spanking new carpet last Saturday. What better way to introduce ourselves than to make like a dog and pee on the nearest thing. "Hi. Let me clean that stranger-kid piss, I mean MY stranger-kid's piss, off your newly unfurled berber for ya. So sorry." Way to start our neighborly friendship off on the right schmut.

At first I tried to conceal telltale Pigtails' wet patch, slipping out the new neighbors' front door (remember we're so damn close as neighbors that we could fart and hear each other) to my cleaning chemicals cupboard for my trusty Resolve carpet stain/odor remover. It wasn't long before my clean-it-up-before-they-notice-and-judge-me-and-my-leaky-daughter plan was foiled. The gorgeous new working mom next door busted me red handled, spraying a noxious substance on her daughter's princess room rug.

"Um, whatcha' doing?" she asked.

"Well, uh ... This is so embarrassing and it's never happened before ... and, uh, she's been potty trained going on three weeks now and hasn't had an accident ... and ..."

"She peed on the floor?"

"Yes. Exactly."

Luckily my new pretty neighbor didn't seem fazed. She has two young kids of her own. She refused to let me clean it up and patted Pigtails' pee spot with her own two hands, something I never would have done if the pee were on the other carpet. I have this lame thing about "other" kids' pee and pooh. I've always hated changing any diapers other than those hugging the 2-D flat butts of my three children.

I haven't talked to my new neighbors since my daughter's pissy introduction to them. I wouldn't know what to say. At least she didn't drop a deuce on 'em, like a booger-nosed kid did on our playroom berber right after we installed it two years ago.

Would I feel as bad about the whole thing if Pigtails were a dog? Somehow I think a pet dog peeing on a new neighbors' carpet would have been better.

If your kids have ever done this, feel free to piss and tell. I'm curious.

Labels: ,

12 Comments:

At 8:08 PM, Anonymous Rodrigo said...

Oi, achei teu blog pelo google tá bem interessante gostei desse post. Quando der dá uma passada pelo meu blog, é sobre camisetas personalizadas, mostra passo a passo como criar uma camiseta personalizada bem maneira. Até mais.

 
At 8:21 PM, Blogger Domestic Slackstress said...

Thanks to babel I figured out that the previous comment is in Portugese (spelling). Also, it looks like spam. I dunno.

 
At 9:11 PM, Blogger Awesome Mom said...

You can delete it if you want.


Any way, that is just too funny! If the neighbor did not freak out I think that you are safe. Just make them a huge batch of cookies or something to butter them up a bit more so they do not hate you.

 
At 9:15 PM, Blogger Jen Magnuson said...

We had just moved into our current house and were invited to a barbeque sown the street with some of the "queen bees" from my daughter's school. My son was two and still in diapers. Earlier that day he had eaten, oh, three or four pints of blueberries. We were in the kitchen, introducing ourselves to everyone when this enormous stench just wafted around us and at Jacob's feet was a puddle of runny bluberry-riddled poop. Yes, we're still friends, and yes, we were mortified. It was a tile floor, which I believe helped matters.

 
At 12:25 PM, Blogger Mama Sarita said...

sigh...well, in our lives of parallel internet existence, I too am going down the winding path of learning where and where not to piss.

I don't have any good stories yet, but I don't doubt that they are around the corner.

I second the cookies.

 
At 7:00 PM, Anonymous R said...

No stories from me, but not long ago I read one from one of my fave bloggers. This will make you feel better.

http://katenmiasmom.wordpress.com/2007/05/19/front-porch-log/

 
At 12:23 PM, Blogger Alexandra Bitchford said...

No children, but my beloved terrier always manages to bust through four adult pairs of hands and dash to my best friend's beautiful white carept to take a giant, and especially yellow, piss. It's always embarassing, and one would think that we could stop her by now.

 
At 7:14 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

nike outlet, polo outlet, louis vuitton outlet, longchamp outlet, prada outlet, michael kors outlet, nike free, tory burch outlet, michael kors outlet store, uggs outlet, christian louboutin outlet, jordan shoes, oakley sunglasses wholesale, ray ban sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, nike air max, longchamp outlet, michael kors outlet online, michael kors outlet, prada handbags, polo ralph lauren outlet online, louis vuitton outlet, longchamp outlet, christian louboutin, burberry outlet, louis vuitton outlet, ugg boots, gucci handbags, nike air max, michael kors outlet online, louis vuitton, tiffany and co, louis vuitton, christian louboutin shoes, uggs on sale, replica watches, ray ban sunglasses, oakley sunglasses, ugg boots, replica watches, christian louboutin uk, burberry handbags, michael kors outlet online, tiffany jewelry, uggs outlet

 
At 7:27 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

coach outlet, sac hermes, nike tn, louboutin pas cher, jordan pas cher, new balance, sac longchamp pas cher, true religion outlet, hogan outlet, michael kors pas cher, hollister pas cher, air max, nike roshe, longchamp pas cher, timberland pas cher, hollister uk, burberry pas cher, coach outlet, lululemon canada, nike blazer pas cher, true religion outlet, polo lacoste, ray ban pas cher, coach outlet store online, north face, michael kors outlet, nike air max, guess pas cher, kate spade, chanel handbags, ray ban uk, nike free run, kate spade outlet, true religion outlet, oakley pas cher, true religion jeans, north face uk, sac vanessa bruno, michael kors, converse pas cher, nike air force, coach purses, michael kors, vans pas cher, polo ralph lauren

 
At 7:32 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

polo lacoste, sac vanessa bruno, ray ban pas cher, hollister pas cher, nike free run, nike air force, michael kors, north face, hogan outlet, coach purses, oakley pas cher, new balance, sac longchamp pas cher, nike air max, coach outlet, true religion jeans, chanel handbags, north face uk, polo ralph lauren, kate spade, longchamp pas cher, michael kors, coach outlet, timberland pas cher, nike blazer pas cher, burberry pas cher, true religion outlet, louboutin pas cher, nike tn, nike roshe, sac hermes, air max, lululemon canada, jordan pas cher, guess pas cher, vans pas cher, true religion outlet, converse pas cher, true religion outlet, kate spade outlet, michael kors outlet, ray ban uk, coach outlet store online, michael kors pas cher, hollister uk

 
At 7:38 PM, Blogger oakleyses said...

hollister, louis vuitton, montre pas cher, pandora jewelry, links of london, louis vuitton, thomas sabo, lancel, louis vuitton, coach outlet, louboutin, hollister, replica watches, nike air max, converse, vans, doke gabbana, michael kors outlet, ugg, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, supra shoes, pandora jewelry, louis vuitton, pandora uk, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, ralph lauren, swarovski crystal, swarovski, karen millen uk, juicy couture outlet, oakley, ray ban, converse outlet, ugg pas cher, louis vuitton, michael kors outlet online, gucci, michael kors handbags, ugg uk, iphone 6 cases, juicy couture outlet, timberland boots, pandora charms, wedding dresses, toms shoes, marc jacobs

 
At 10:12 AM, Blogger roba gad said...


http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/tatters-cleaning-companies-11.html
http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/tatters-cleaning-companies-10.html
http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/tatters-cleaning-companies-9.html
http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/tatters-cleaning-companies-8.html
http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/tatters-cleaning-companies-7.html
http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/tatters-cleaning-companies-6.html
http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/tatters-cleaning-companies-5.html
http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/tatters-cleaning-companies-2.html
http://www.prokr.net/2016/09/tatters-cleaning-companies.html

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home