Monday, November 20, 2006

Maybe I'm the Mean Girl All Grown Up

Judging from the comments to my previous post, it seems no one has yet bared her mean girl bones. Since I promised to blog today about mean girls, here I go, however briefly. (Remember, I'm supposed to be watching five kids here.)

Sometimes I fear I'm "the mean girl" all grown up. All too often I talk trash about people behind their backs. I can hardly cover my tracks as to who I told what, which often comes back to burn me. Gossip is my vice. I wish I could just grow up already and quit the habit. But it's a bitch to put down.

Ever talkative and outgoing, I effortlessly oscillated between being a nice girl and a mean girl in high school, just as I oscillated between popular girl cliques (preppie, metal head, easy). Who I hung out with any given week depended on who was having the best party with the most contraband, etc. There was nothing deep, balanced or intellectual about how I kept my erratic but always booked social calendar in those days. I can't say I'm all that deep or balanced now. More like disorganized and bitchy. I come off like a jerk because I was a jerk.

Anyway, there was this one gorgeous Barbie doll look alike girl I used to hang out with, even sometimes call my best friend (you know, all that BFF crap, right?). She was the first out of all the popular, pretty girls I hung out with to have sex. Scandalous. And we all said we'd never do that! The first of many acts we said we wouldn't dare try.

She played the field A LOT, specifically the soccer field (she really, really liked soccer players if you dig). Word got out after a wild night that she did something even worse than "regular" sex with one of the huge-calved varsity ball chasers. Without going into too much embarrassing detail, word got out she experimented with a little back door action. Way too scandalious and kinky for high school, no?

I scarcely want to admit just how much gossip mongering I did about her little incident. Everyone did but that's no excuse. I was downright evil, all while still calling her my best friend. Before long, the mean girls, which again depending on the day sometimes included me, had practically the whole school calling her "Back Door Sally" and "Up the Pooper Trooper."

Mean? Was I? Hell ya. I'm not proud of it. My guilt still eats at me to the point that I wonder where I'm headed in the afterlife (if there is one).

Trust me, when karma comes back around to tango, there's no escape. I definitely got what was coming to me upon stepping naive foot in my college dorm.

More mean girl confessions later when I can get a break from the chitlins.


At 11:31 AM, Blogger Little Miss said...

Ok, fessing up...

My "mean girl" action was on more of a personal level.

My closest friend wasn't "my friend" when the popular girls wanted to hang out...I always wanted to be one of those girls, so I'd drop Shelly like a hot coal at ANY time for those stupid, mean girls (and little did I realize, they only wanted me in their group on their terms, when they wanted to use me because I was the only one with a car!)

And so I lost a best friend in the process. She was the ONLY one who truly cared about me in high school, stood by my side when others called me "psycho" for crying at school because the captain of the hockey team dissed me for some senior basketball chic, she even stood up for me!!

By the time I realized what a complete and total tool I had been to her for the past year, it was too late. That happened more than 10 years ago, and I still miss all that our friendship could have been.


At 11:44 AM, Blogger Julie Pippert said...

When I read your honest story my first reaction was, whoa, oooh, uhhh ugh. And I flashed back to those hair-tossing, rear-end swishing girls who clustered tightly together---usually one or two in a cheerleader or drill team outfit---and whose eyes darted around and zeroed in on you/me/her while talking. So you knew. or thought you did. And the worst part was finding out were right. They were being vicious about you.

Then I wondered...was I really always a victim of mean girls, or was I sometimes one myself?

I can't cast stones in glass houses. Sometimes, I was the mean girl. I didn't talk about others or gossip so much as was totally self-involved and hurt through lack of sight and neglect, or worse, self-interest. The hurting I did was more indirect, inadvertant but in some ways, might have been more hurtful.

High school (and junior high) felt like a Fight for Survival.

I decided to forgive a while back when I understood that. And I'm sorta kinda mostly there, at forgiveness.

But a lot of my memories cause me to wince, when I go full tilt into them, pull them into focus. So I like to keep them fuzzy and distant and think of me as I am now.

At 12:42 PM, Blogger BlogWhore said...

I gotta taste for the big G, too. is there a group for those with addictions to this deadly disease? I physically put my hand over my mouth to stop myself sometimes.

At 2:01 PM, Blogger Iris said...

Well, since you asked.......I wasn't really the mean girl, but I was a mean girl by association. I hung out with the mean girls, because they were popular. And I remember that if one of the girls from the group wasn't there, we would gossip and talk about her like there was no tomorrow. I suppose a lot of that has fuelled my insecurities over the years. I also, like you, hung out with many different groups of people, maybe not for the same reason as you cite, but more because of what mood was striking me at the time.

When I was with the mean girls, though, I didn't always sit back quietly.....

At 2:07 PM, Blogger Domestic Slackstress said...

I'm digging the confessions. Now we're talking. It's good to get this stuff off your chest. I'm off to LAX to meet my sister and deliver the package, so to speak. Must wake napping package first.

At 2:53 PM, Blogger ewe are here said...

I recall the one time I could have been called a 'mean girl' - and I never did it again. I was in the 8th grade, and, as it was the end of the year, they took all of us to the local amusement park for the day. Me and three girlfriends ran into three of our male classmates and kind of paired off for the day. One odd girl out, my best friend. She ran off in tears when I picked a boy -so I could be 'cool'- to go on the rides with instead of her.

And I didn't even like him that much. Nice and all, but ditched my friend for no reason essentially. I felt like crap. I apologized later, but it was never the same. Never treated my friends poorly after that.

At 5:06 PM, Anonymous Momish said...

Ok. I think my post didn't go through (got an error). I will recap rather than write it again:

All girl school, so not much cattiness or mean click to speak of. There was one real smart girl. We all sort of teased her. We all made a pact not to invite her to our graduation parties. Very guilty about that now. She got full scholorship to Harvard and is now an ambassador. (she got the last laugh, if you ask me!)

At 6:53 PM, Blogger you da mom! said...

i was a mean girl when i was grade school, only cuz i could be. then, when i lost my popularity, i was picked on by mean girls. it sucked. now i'm just mean in the privacy of my own home, where my husband and i can trash-talk till the sun goes down (and comes back up again) without ever having to worry about anyone finding out how truly evil we are! occasionally i'll be mean to a person out there in the real world, but only for good reason (like they're really lame and pretentious).

At 7:09 PM, Blogger crazymumma said...

Babe....we all do some weird shit in highschool.

At 8:32 PM, Blogger jen said...

i recall you saying elementary school earlier...high school is a different story altogether.

chicks are wacked in high school. i was wackadoodlely.

At 8:54 PM, Blogger Domestic Slackstress said...

There's a new one: wackadoodley. I love it. I was a self-esteem nightmare.

At 11:42 PM, Blogger scribbit said...

I have a hard time seeing you being mean, probably because your picture on the profile looks just like a good friend of mine here that is the nicest, sweetest, kindest, oozing-with-honey-and goodness person you could ever meet. She makes me feel guilty for my spiteful moments but couldn't be a better friend.

At 1:30 AM, Blogger Miz BoheMia said...

I was played a joke on by my classmates, when in the 5th grade, where they gave me a red pepper to eat. I didn't know what it was and they told me it was "American candy" (we were in Spain then too)... I bit in and almost died from the heat and no amount of water made it die down... but I thought the reaction it ellicited was funny and did the same thing to a second grader... a cute and sweet little girl who liked me and always waved at me... she had to be taken to the damn hospital! And I ended up in the principal's office where I still would not 'fess up to what it was, playing dumb and sticking to my "honesty is NOT the best policy" motto out of fear of being expelled... because that was a British school and they would expel you over that... but they believed my wide-eyed declarations of not having known what that was I gave her and went after the girls who gave it to me, calling it "American candy" and no matter how much they howled that I knew, I was believed and they were punished... I don't feel bad about their being punished but to this day the guilt remains as to having hurt that sweet girl's physically and emotionally... ay!

As for karma... I think that in time you pay your dues with the guilt you bear and with the realization of wrongdoing and with the desire, if ever in the position to do so, to make ammends... no?

At 5:58 AM, Blogger Justmee said...

::standing up confessing::: "I too was a mean girl".
I fought a girl, just because she wore too much make-up, and my bestfriend said the girl was flirting with her bf. Although I knew this poor girl didn't flirt with her bf, I still felt it was necessary too kick her ass for wearing too much make-make. Plus I think I was just bored that particular day. Loved your post!

At 12:36 PM, Anonymous Maryam in Marrakesh said...

Oh my, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by these mean girl confessions.

I once edited a short book by a monk in Thailand which was all about how to ensure a better reincarnation (ie not coming back as a cockroach). I think we can help make up for any mean girl moments by working hard at doing kind things even when we don't feel like it because we are in a shitty mood, or feeling sloth-like and can't be bothered.

At 5:04 PM, Blogger Crunchy Carpets said...

I wasn't a mean girl in either elementary or high school....but I did managed to maintain friendships and 'safety' in all groups by playing it pretty neutral.

I think I am more of a mean girl now!

I too love is my weakness.

And like you I can never remember who said what or who is supposed to know what so I end up looking like a total twat.

At 1:44 AM, Blogger Loralee Choate said...

Oh, I STILL have gossip issues. You actually sound a lot like me in a way. I'm a bit of a cameleon that blends in with the enviornment I'm in at the time.

I would like to meet one person who doesn't have guilt from high school.

I'm glad you visited one of my blogs (My updated one is Looney Tunes, so I thought I'd answer your question here)
My nickname "Pee" is unfortunately what my much older sister nicknamed me as a baby out of consternation for changing my diapers all the time.

I got it EASY. You can imagine what my twin sister's nickname is. YUP.

At 8:13 PM, Blogger LadySeduction said...

I have worked long and hard on my gossip issues having learned the hard lessons in jr high. I do confess to enjoying gossip shows like E! and People magazine...totally feel guilty when I read them.
I have always been fat so I got picked on enough to learn that I would never want to put someone else through that. I didn't participate in that way, but I did become so invested in being popular as I got older and thinner that I participated in those games girls play..."don't tell anyone" and I would tell to get someone to like me more.
Now it is hard for me to hang out with women who gossip in moms groups etc b/c it really hits me in my trust issues. If she is talking about that mama like that, what is she saying about ME when I am not here.

At 5:34 PM, Blogger liv said...

The honesty here is so refreshing. I think everyone struggles with gossip, the situations under which it is truly poisonous, etc...

I never was a mean girl except in my heart. I had fantasies about being super cool, but I never really made it. I was so shy and so scared of what someone might maybe-hypothetically say to me if I dared to cross the popular people line in the cafeteria.

I think my meanness lurked beneath because since I secretly harbored desire to be in the in-crowd, I was scared of liking those who weren't. Yes, I totally shot myself in the arse by not stepping up and trying to make popular friends, and working hard to deny that the less cool folks were my true friends.Sad. Thankfully we have everything after age 18 in terms of time.

Keep working on karma--each day is a new opportunity.

At 7:03 PM, Anonymous Ismyb said...

Oh do I miss you!

I remember that story from back in the day! You were such a talker, I guess your stories then were just a preview of today!

Just don't open up to much about high school, like you did to my MOM when she said "hi" to you and you felt the need to tell her every bad thing you had been doing!

Miss you!


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