Morning Mind Dump, Nothing More

I woke up an hour too early this morning but thought I woke up an hour too late. The kids must stop messing with my alarm clock!

There’s something to be said for sipping a fresh, hot cup of coffee without kids circling me demanding milk, juice and more syrup. Instead I find myself alone, unless three wrestling kittens count, not having to incessantly remind anyone to say “please” and “thank you.”

I might as well update you on a few items other than the evil graffiti on my son’s lunch box, which I'm flat out tired of thinking about. We're “Madness of Modern Families” busy now that Little League baseball is in full swing, and my husband’s business travel is picking up when I didn’t think it could get worse.

1. Last night I graduated from Breakthrough Parenting class. Whoo hoo. Now I can tell you how to take care of your kids because I’m having a Hell of a time applying the techniques I learned at home. Yes, I’m certified to be that annoying parenting know-it-all at the park, the one who gives unsolicited advice through her nose starting with, “Well, I learned at my parenting class that you should …” and “I’m certified in how to take care of your child’s fit, m’am. Leave it to the tantrum expert, why don’tcha?” As if I’d ever do that. I’d better master the R=TLC Breakthrough Parenting formula with my own kids first.

2. I’m looking for paid work that I can accomplish from home. I wasn’t going to bring my freelance work search up on my blog but why not? I’m posting this on several freelance work exchange Web sites:

“I'm a journalist with more than 10 years of experience seeking freelance writing and copyediting work. My articles have been featured in newspapers, magazines and Internet news sources, including The Los Angeles Times, MSNBC.com, NBC.com, DrKoop.com (health Web site of former U.S. Surgeon General Dr. C. Everett Koop) and DrDrew.com (Web site of Dr. Drew Pinsky, host of the nationally syndicated talk radio show Loveline).

Although I have worked in public relations and corporate copywriting (bios, press releases, pitches, etc.), my specialties are writing, reporting and copy editing/proofreading news and lifestyle content in AP (Associated Press) Style.

I'm open to creating and copyediting a wide scope of content, whether academic, manuscript, Internet content or otherwise. I'm also available for reporting, fact checking and research assignments.

I have a Bachelor's Degree in English/Journalism from the University of New Hampshire, and two years of study at Northeastern University's (Boston) School of Journalism, where I trained with veteran journalist and former KGB captive Nicholas Daniloff.”

If you know anyone who needs a writer, reporter, copywriter, editor or proofreader, shoot me an email. My turn to pitch in on the mortgage is long overdue.

3. I’ve become that minivan mom who spends most of her time in, well, her damn minivan. Dashboard evidence: I keep a regular stash of snacks and water in the front seat at all times; Duplicates of my regular color lipstick are now fully stocked in the cubby beneath the radio; My son’s baseball cleats, bats and gloves are always at the ready in the trunk, along with spare socks; okay, this isn’t going anywhere and isn’t as funny as I’d hoped so I’ll stop listing stuff …

4. Cheeks' fourth birthday party is this Saturday and I haven’t purchased a thing yet, except for the one present he really wanted – a metallic red batting (baseball) helmet. He hasn’t had a temper tantrum for two weeks! I’ve had a few of my own anyway. Getting ready for the party should be easy, since I’m forgoing decorative themes, party favors and all the expensive bells and whistles. All I have to do is pick up a cake, finger foods (veggies, fruit and crackers/chips), juice boxes and water and a few more presents. Oh, and a Slip-n-Slide and a mini-pool since I’ve billed the party as a water fun playtime deal. I plan on slacking hard and not picking up anything until I go last-minute crash shopping with my 9-year-old niece Thursday.

That’s it for now. The house is still quiet, like I like it. Who will be the first to wake up? Just one more hour of solitude ...

Forecast: A Full Night of Sleep When They Grow Up and Move Out

I'm tired, I'm pissed and I said a lot of things last night that I already regret.

Cheeks had not one, not two, but three major tantrums overnight. At one point he barked like a dog. Figure that one out.

My eyes hurt. I feel like I have a newborn who wakes me turn nurse every hour, except I don't. None of my children are newbies any more. Cheeks reminds me of one, though. His emotional, sometimes violent, outbursts take me back to his nightly newborn, 8 p.m.-on-the-dot crying and kicking fits. They would last for two hours at least, sometimes as long as three.

Neighbors arrived at my front door, as they do now, all those years ago to see if "everything's okay" or to ask me "to keep it down with the baby." We're in a different neighborhood now and nearly four years have passed since Cheeks dreaded punctual colick attacks, yet the neighbors here probably wonder if we're beating him. The crashing sounds of piggy banks breaking, shoes being pelted one after the other at a flimsy bedroom door and incessant wailing and what truly sounds like barking, these are the sounds we're known for now on our block. A neighbor five houses up the street confirmed that she can hear Cheeks' tantrums. I used to worry about the embarrassment. Now I worry that a neighbor, especially the poor couple right next door, is going to call the cops or Child Services.

This has to stop.

Cheeks' older brother, The Lawyer, isn't sleeping enough because of the nightly bloodcurdling scream interruptions. He covers his ears, hides under his pillow. Eventually we send him to our bedroom, where he can at least muffle the noise with bigger pillows and a thicker door. He stays awake anyway, listening to his brother's fits escalate, then fizzle out, usually after about 45 minutes.

One of the Lawyer's teachers asked me why he seems so tired. "Is he getting enough sleep?" Apparently he's become a regular at the office and has taken to "resting" on the couch there.

I have to go wake him now for his Friday field trip. This time he's going to a dairy and produce farm twenty miles up the freeway. Maybe he'll catch some z's on the way there while I try to keep Cheeks asleep a little longer at home. I'm not ready for him to wake up just yet.

(Don't care to spell check.)